


Fate is my Hate

by KZam21



Series: Serendipity Series [2]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Not Beta Read, Not so happy ending, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-01-16 01:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12333168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KZam21/pseuds/KZam21
Summary: "When you fail to choose your destiny,  Fate chooses for you."After the events on Bella's birthday, the Cullens decide to leave Forks. Being abandoned once again leaves Cassidy in a great state of depression. With Bella suffering from the same dilemmas, Cassidy has to find solace in another friend. This time, the mysterious Sam Uley, is the one that helps her deal with her problems, all while trying to protect her from a new threat.





	1. Five months later

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:
> 
> 1\. The twilight saga is owned by Stephenie Meyer.  
> 2\. English is not my native language and i apologize in advance for any possible mistakes in the grammar. I will do my best to keep them to a minimum.  
> 3\. Rated M for a Reason. (See tags)  
> 4\. The story is set in 2016, so there will be a bit more of tecnology in it.

 

 

>   _"Deliver me into my fate, if i'm alone i cannot hate..."_  
> 
>      **Slipknot - Snuff**
> 
>  

 

**Chapter 1: Five months later**

 

My relationship with Carlisle, in this five months together, have been as good as it could be. There is still the annoying secrecy, but my darling mate always compensates me by being the most loving, adoring and romantic boyfriend in the world. I feel like the luckiest woman alive every time we are together, even if it is just enjoying each others company, or on a date, or in the intimacy of my bedroom, he never leaves me wanting more. He already gives me everything he has, and that, is certainly more than enough.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Carlisle stops kissing my neck to ask.

"You. Of course." I reply cheekly.

"Is that so?" He resumes his earlier ministrations. "Then, please my love, stop thinking about me for a second, so you can actually pay attencion to me. Hm?"

I laugh loudly, turn on his arms to kiss him fully in the mouth. "And were exactly do you want my attencion?" I ask, biting his earlobe lightly.

He doesn't answer, just simply takes my hand and guide to his crotch. He is hard already -like most of the time- and i can see him visibly shudder when i pass my fingers lightly through his erection. His eyes turn black and vicious, fangs go down in ecstasy when i open his trouser and pull his cock out.

I drop down to my knees in front of him and take his member in my mouth with no hesitation.

"Fuck."

 _I love when he curses_. I suck harder, gladly tasting my mate's spunk in my tongue. Carlisle's fingers pass through my hair and he holds my head in the direction he likes, thrusting his hips slightly at the same rhythm as me.

After a few minutes enjoying himself, Carlisle pulls out of my mouth and take me, bridal style, into his arms, and effortlessly throwing me on the bed.

I can't help the girlish scream and giggling when he jumps on the bed on top of me. "What do you intend to do now?" I ask, wounding my arms around his neck.

"Mmmm. I intend to making you scream my name so loudly the neighbors will hear it." He reply, pushing my skirt up until it reach my hips.

"But, your closest neighbor is miles away." I laugh.

"Exactly."

His smile is smug and he looks very pleased with himself. As he keeps looking into my eyes, he does not hesitate in putting my panties aside and sliding inside of me. The moviment is so familiar, my body is completely used to it.

"How is it going to be today, hm?" He murmurs with his lips on mine. "Hard? Fast? Slow? Soft? How do you want it, love?"

"Love me. Just love me."

"That i already do." He resumes his rocking pace.

 

                            * * *

 

School work and classes seem a whole different and unimportant thing in my life right now, that i can't help but being completely bored out of my mind. I have fallen asleep during lessons and missed classes, for months now and already have been called at the principal's office twice this year.

After a long and tired conversation with Carlisle, about how important my studies were, we decided in complete agreement that i should pay more attencion and dedicate to my lessons.

Angela helped me alot with my studies, Bella, not that much, that girl was even worse than me, honestly, at lest i spended some away time from my mate once in a while -not by option, of course.

Which brings me to present time, Angela and i were using our lunch time to revise some things before class, while Bella was flirting with her boyfriend at the other side of the lunchroom, on they own _private_ table.

Even after five months, people still stared at then as if they were the real Brangelina in the flesh.

I lost count how many times, Mike Newton, has looked at Bella longingly and then sighed frustrated that she didn't noticed him. "What does he have that i don't ?" He ask, annoyed. Thankfully, Jessica was not there to hear that statement.

"Toned abs." I answer, without taking my eyes from my notebook.

"A cool car." Ben reply.

"Money." Tyler happily adds.

"Good looks." Eric also joins in the conversation.

Angela is the only one that remains silent, only because she was trying hard not to let a laugh fall through her lips. Mike leaves, irritated, muttering that he needs to find better friends. _His not wrong._

As my friends keeps laughing at Mike's expense, i turn to look at Edward and it doesn't surprise me that he is already looking at me. He does that alot. The bastard. He gives me that cheekly smile that he knows i hate. _'Stop listening to other peoples_ _conversations_.' I mentally chastise him.

His only answer is a wink.  _Ass._

"What are you guys doing tonight?" I ask, mostly just to make small talk.

"I'll watch a game with Mr. Antsy-Pantsy." Tyler reply, pointing to where Mike disappeared a minute ago.

"I'll probably watch something on the internet. Movie, maybe a series..."

"Redtube." I cough, making everyone laugh and Eric blush.

"Fuck you, Cass." He lamely reply, ducking his had to hide the growing red on his neck and face.

"What about you two, love birds?" I ask, Angela and Ben.

"We actually have a date tonight." She gladly reply, giving her boyfriend a kiss in the cheek.

It must be good, i think. To be able to be so open about your relationship like that. I look to the Cullens table, and see Rosalie and Emmett affectionately touch each other. Jasper and Alice are not much for PDA but the way they look at each other is almost vulgar. Then i turn my attencion to Bella and Edward. I may not like Edward very much, but i know that he loves Bella and that she loves him in a way that no one else ever will.

I can't help but to look at all of these couples with a little envy, wishing that for once, i could be a normal girl with a boyfriend. Even my last -and only, before Carlisle- relationship was a secret from society. He did not want people to know, because he was a bit older than me, and he feared the towns hate.

Huh, i guess it is true, what comes around goes around, and sometimes it comes back the same way, to the same thing.

 

                            * * *

  
"Tomorrow is Bella's birthday." I casually say to my mate.

"I know. Alice is throwing her a surprise party." He languidly answer, never stopping his kisses on my back.

"What? Why have i not know about this?" I complain, looking behind my shoulder to give him a angry look.

"Because you have a big mouth. It wouldn't a surprise party if the birthday girl already knew."

"You never complained about my big mouth before." I say, taking great offence in being left out.

"I like your mouth very much." He smirks, deeping his nose in my neck and sucking lightly.

I half heartly push him away with a pout. He laughs a little and nips at my bottom lip playfully. "I'm sorry, love. It was Alice's doing. I swear i only found out this week."

I stop sulking but don't drop the pout. He shakes his head as if amazed at my childishness. "Please, forgive me. What can i do to make it up to you?"

"You can buy me a car."

"Done."

"I was joking." I yell.

"I wasn't. You can have anything you want." He whisper in my ear, as he slowly push my camisole up so that backside is showing.

"All i want is you."

"That you already have." It doesn't matter how many times he says it, that little annoying part of my mind still refuses to believed. _You don't fully have him. You never will. There is already a Mrs. Cullen, and it's not you._

"What is it?"

"Huh?" I suddenly realise that he had stopped his exploring and is now paying fully attention to me.

"What is it that is bothering you? Jasper told me that you were feeling a little sad earlier today, and Edward told me to talk with you about." He pass his hand through his hair like he does when he is irritated. "I don't like when others know more about you than i do."

"I'm sorry." I say hesitantly, turn around to lay on my back above him "It's just, sometimes being around all those couples... it's depressing."

"Why? Aren't contented with me?" He frowns and i put my both hands in his face to ease his expression. I did not like that look on his face.

"I am. More than just contented. I love every second of it." I pull him closer until our noses touch. "I just, wished we didn't have to hide."

Understanding is viseble in his eyes, and he sighs relieved, his shoulders drop, and he kiss my forehead lightly.  
"I know, love. I feel the same way." Then he looks at me in eyes, not blinking once, and looking very determinated. "And, i promise you, one day we will be able to hold hands and walk around the streets like a normal couple."

I feel my heart fill with warmt and pull him as close as humanly possible to give him a kiss.

"I love you." He say, not stopping the kiss.

"I love you more." I say, cheekly, biting his bottom lip and pulling hard.

"Mmmm. Your asking for it."

"What are you going to do about it, Dr. Cullen?"

"Oh, you want to play doctor today, is it?" He smirks as he lowers my panties down my legs until it is completely out of my body.

"Yeah." I answer a little breathless.

"Then, tell me Miss Carter, what is it that brings you to my office tonight?"

"It's...hm...something...that...is...ahh...inside me."

"Inside you?" He nips at my left breast, palming the other one.

"Yes! Deep inside me." I arch my back, making my camisole slide even more and fully exposing my chest to him.

"Then i guess, i will have to take a look." He pulls away to take his clothes off, getting naked in record time.

"Hmhm, yes, please."

"Turn around, Miss Carter. I can take a better look from behind."

I did as he asked, turning on my hands and knees and waiting patiently for him. I don't have to wait long. He fills me with one swift motion, holding onto my hips to thrust faster.

"Ahhh. Carlisle."

"Is Dr. Cullen, darling." He reminds me, and i scream it even higher, shuddering at the feel of his cold member inside of my heat.

 

  
I nestle into his arms when we finish, resting my head on his chest and laying an arm across his torso as if i could hold him any closer than we already were. "Do you think is a good idea to throw Bella a surprise party?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" He ask, lazily making circles with his finger in my shoulder.

"It's Bella we are talking about. She is a magnet for disaster."

He laughs a little and i can feel it through his chest where i lay on. "It will be alright, love."

Will it? The weird feeling in my chest suddenly starts to increase. Will it really turn out alright?

I hope so.

I'm kind of tired of breaking my arm.

 


	2. Birthday Party

**Chapter 2: Birthday Party**

 

 

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice exclaims as soon as Bella get out of her monster-truck.

"Shhh." She hissed, glancing around the parking lot to make sure no one heard her. By the look on her face, i knew she was extremely upset about something, so i keep my mouth shut and only wave a greeting "Want to open your present now?" Alice ask, anxiously as we walk to were Edward was waiting, next to his car.

 "I asked for no presents." Bella complains.

"Alright. Later then."

Bella groans out loud, but it only makes Alice even more excited.  
When we arrive next to Edward, he reach out for her and smirks. "So, i don't get to wish you a happy birthday either?"

"No." She frowns, but does cuddle to his side when he pull her to him.

"You used to like your birthdays before. What changed?" I ask, to which she gives me a glare.

"I am one year older." She complains.

  _Oh. So that's the problem._

"Isn't that the point of a birthday?" Alice ask, not quite following Bella's line of thought.

"Not if your boyfriend is forever going to be 17." I add.

At her side, Edward's smile narrowed in a rigid line. Bella's glare gets to a even more terrifying one.

"18 is not that old." Alice says, not at all realising the tension in the air. "At what time will you be at home?" She continued, changing the subject.

"After school. Why?"

"Well..."

"No." Bella's eyes grow wide when she realises what Alice means to say.

"Oh, come on Bella it will be fun!"

"No. I said, no presents, and no party."

"I'll pick you up after school." Edward adds, nonchalantly.

"I can't. I have to see the movie, Mr. Berty told we needed for the..."

"You already know Romeo & Juliet by heart." I laugh at the pathetic excuse.

"I'll take her to our place around 7 pm." Edward say, completely ignoring my friends wish, and making Alice jump from excitement.

"Come on, Bella, don't make that face. It's going to be fun. What can go wrong?"

 _Yes. What can go wrong indeed_.

 

                            * * *

 

The organization for Bella's party started right after school, and of course, Alice dragged me to her house to help. Even though i said -thousands of times may i add- that i didn't want anything to do with it. The same weird feeling in my chest was growing stronger by the second, and all i wanted to do was laying down in a fetal position.

 

Carlisle cameback from work around 6 pm. And not even being in the presence of my mate calmed by beating heart. He tryed to make me relax with a nice bubble bath, but it didn't really work like he planned. It was relaxing, yes, but it did not changed the way i was feeling.

After the third time trying to iniciate sex, Carlisle finally gived up and sighed. "What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing." _Yet._

"There is something obviously bothering you." It wasn't a question, it was an statement.

"Just...a weird feeling in my chest, that's all."

He immediately went to doctor mode, asking me all kind of different questions to try to determine if i was sick or something. "I'm fine. Just not in the mood today."

"Alright. Very well. But it's your best friend's birthday, love, you can't miss it."

  _Not that she would mind very much_.

"If Bella could miss her own birthday, she would." I point out.

"Yes, but she still will be here."

"Argh. Fine. Give my dress back please." I complain, putting back my dress that he had confiscated earlier.  
"You will see, love. It will be all alright."

Thirty minutes later and, Bella finally showed up. Looking as annoyed as i was feeling. After hugging everyone and letting them wish her a happy birthday, Bella came to me and irritatedly asked. "Why i am being obligated to have a birthday party, when you didn't have to back in april?"

"Because, unlike you, I hold my boyfriend in the palm of my hand."  
She hits my arm lightly and scoff, going back to Edward's side when Carlisle show up behind me and wrap his arm around my middle.

"Time to open the presents." Alice exclaim.

Bella made the best martyr face she could manage, trying -for the first time that day- to look happy and excited.

She opens the first box, a gift from Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper, only to find out it was completely empty.

"Wow. Thanks guys."

"It's a nice box of air." I add.

Jasper laughs, and to the surprise of both Bella and I, so does Rosalie.

"It's a sound system for your pickup truck. Emmett has already installed so you can not return." He explains.

Next gift is from Edward and Alice. Bella -after reminding her boyfriend that she did not wanted any gifts- went to open the next little box.

"Shit." She murmur when the paper accidentally cuts her finger. _Uh-oh_.

Everything happens so fast, if i wasn't so close to Bella i wouldn't even been able to see it. Edward yells as Jasper attacks.

Edward push Bella out of the way, when Jasper advances on her. She hits a glass table, cutting her arm and bleeding even more. Jasper attacks Edward but it's stopped by Emmett, that takes him from behind in a bear hug. Jasper's eyes were enraged, and completely out of control. I couldn't stop the shiver in my spine, he looked maniac, even though just a few seconds ago he was just fine. Dizzy and disoriented, i free myself from Carlisle's protective arms and run to my friends aid.

 Bella's arm was bleeding badly. I turn to look at the rest of the vampires in the room, and all -but Carlisle- looked completely troubled by the amount of blood descending on my friend's arm.

Just Carlisle stayed calm. "Emmett, Rosalie, take Jasper outside." He orders, taking place beside to look more closely at Bella's wound.

They left, Jasper still fighting hard to set himself free. Esme's heart-shaped face reveals that she was ashamed, she flees the room, apologising profusely.

Alice tryed to help Carlisle but he sends her away too. I help him, taking Bella delicately out of the floor to take het to hid office.

"How are you feeling Bella?" He ask, doctor voice making an appearence.

"I'm fine." Her voice was stable, which calmed me a little.

I deposite Bella in a leather chair at Carlisle's office room, and he immediately starts working in her arm.  
Edward, after a lot of insisting, leaves too, to talk with Jasper that by now must be feeling completely miserable.

"Well, everyone left." Bella says, a hint of shame stamped on her face.

"It's not your fault." Carlisle say, as he keeps taking the tiny little bits of glass from her arm. "It could have happened with anyone."

"It could. But it usually only happens to me." She gives me a pointed look as if the fact that i was uninjured was the prove.

Carlisle laughs lightly, but knowing him the way i do, i knew the whole scene at the living room was bothering him deeply too.

"Well, you wouldn't be KlutzBella if you didn't get injured in your own birthday party." I add, trying to lift the mood a bit, by the look on Bella's face i suppose it didn't work really well.

I stay quiet as Carlisle takea cares of my friend, they talk amicably for a few minutes while i just stare at the horizon through the big window at the left wall. They talk about Carlisle's career choice, his almost immunity to blood, his father and his religion, and a little bit about the Volturi Coven, all things that i have heard before.

That little feeling in my chest, had decreased in the last minute, but it had not completely left yet. The tide of misfortune I felt approaching, was just beginning. _What can go wrong, huh?_

_Thank god, my birthday was not celebrated._

 

                               * * *

  
  
"She's blaming herself. Bella i mean." I say, as soon as Carlisle park his car in front of my house.

"It's not her fault." He simply reply.

"It's not Jasper's either."

"No."

The silence in the car is aggravating, it is how it has been between us since the accident, Carlisle was pushing himself away just like he did after the incident with James.

"It's not your fault either." I whisper, taking his hand in mine and squeezing lightly.

"Cassidy. Your mother." I admonishes.

I look at my house to verify, and he is right. As always. My mother was watching closely from the kitchen window, a knowing look in her eyes that gave me goosebumps in my arms.

"She doesn't know." I say, not so confident in my statement.

"She will soon if we are not more cautious."

"Did Alice saw that?"

"No." He grit his teeth, annoyed. "There is been a few times that Alice failed to see something important."

I drop his hand, taking the seatbelt off and turning to open the car's door. "Don't be like that. I know what your thinking, and i don't like it."

"I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow." He quickly dismiss me, not taking his eyes from the road once.

I leave the car, annoyed, and push the door maybe a little bit to hard. I hear him sigh, but don't stop walking until i get into my house. I profuselly avoid my mother in the kitchen, and go straight to my room. He does not follow me, i hear the car's ignition starting and then he leaves.

_What can go wrong?_

_Everything we've been fighting for._

 

 

 


	3. Pain

**Chapter 3: Pain**

 

  
Next day in school, Alice and Edward -the only Cullen's still atending school- missed class. Bella was surprise, me, not so much. All throughout the day, i had that same feeling nagging at my chest. My intuition tended to always be precise, so i knew for a fact that there was something completely wrong about they sudden disappearence act.

When school was over, the Cullen's house was the first place i went. Imagine my surprise went i found almost empty. Carlisle was there, of course, waiting for me. The pain in my chest got worse when i saw the look on his face.  
  
"Carlisle?"  
  
"Cassidy." His voice was neutral, rid of any light. And he said my full name, which is already a warning enough.

"Where is everyone?"

"Left. All of them."  
  
"And, they left you behind?" I ask quietly, fearing the answer more than anything.  
  
"No. I will meet then later on." His eyes has yet to meet mine.  
  
"Where?"

He does not answer. He doesn't even look at me. His eyes are focused on the wall were the giant cross that once belond to his father is hanging. 

I knew what this was, i already had been through it before. He was leaving. He was leaving me.

"Carlisle." I sigh, feeling suddenly exhausted of all the ongoing drama.

"You can't go just because of one incident. It will not happen again."

  _Are you sure about that?_  The little voice inside my head asked, it has been dormant for a while but now it came back at full force.

  _He doesn't want you, stupid girl._

_Let him go, it's a favor your doing for him._

"A should be happy that it didn't end in murder, is that it?" He half-laughs, but there is no happiness in his voice.

"What happens the next time someone get's hurt? A broken arm, leg. That's nothing right. How about a permanent injury?"  
  
"Accidents happen everywhere. I could fall from my bike and die but that doesn't make me stop riding it." I yell, hysteria filling my mind.

"Accidents happen it's true. But, my family and i are tired of being the cause of it." He looks broken, as if telling me that hurted him more than it hurts me.

"I'm not letting you go." I try a new approach. "I'll follow you whatever you go. I will go home and pack my things..."

His laughter stops my rambling, not because i wasn't expecting it, but because of the cruestly in the tone of his voice. "What makes you think that i want you to?"

_I told you so..._

"What?"

"Cassidy, i'm tired. Not only of getting you hurt, but of not being able to be myself when i am with you. Do you have any idea how hard it is? Your scent, your fragile body. I have to be in constantly alert to not crush you against me when we simply hug. I'm tired."

Suddenly, the little confidence i had is thrown out of the window and i am left completely terrified and broken. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"We can't be together anymore."

The floor feels like it's going to swallow me and i have to hold myself in the furniture not to fall on my knees. "Why not? I don't get it. You said i was your mate..."

"It doesn't mean that we have to be together. I've met vampires that didn't stayed together even being soulmates."

"You liar."  
  
"It's true. And, also there is another reason..."  
  
"What?" I hold myself, waiting for the worst, waiting for the final blow that i know is going to knock me down in a instant.  
  
"Esme...she decided to give us a chance. We will try to be the couple everyone thinks we are."

My world stopped. My heart crushed. I don't know how long i stayed there, looking at him and hilding my hurting heart, waiting for him to come out and say it was just a joke. He never did.

"You cheating bastard!" Suddenly i was angry, so so angry that i though it was a good idea to punch a vampire in the face.

Hopefully, he moved fast, fast enough to get out of the way and hold my hand light close to his face.

"I'm so sorry a lead you on." And he was looking into my eyes for the first time that day, looking completely honest, what caused me to start a crying fit. "I am very sorry, Cassidy, and i promisse you that after this day, you will never have to see me again. I only ask of you to take care of yourself."

He was gone so fast that my mind almost had a short circuit. I finally let myself fall to my knees and cry all the reprimended tears i had been holding ever since last night.

_I told you so._  The little voice repeats.

I run outside, looking around, trying to see him, anything that could make this incredible pain in my chest stop, but there was nothing. Not one living soul.  
  
I jump on my bike and ride as fast as humanly possible, not really knowing where to go. I think about La Push, but it was already getting dark and i could stay outside without my lantern.

I went home. It was dark inside, just one light on in the living room. The room, i realised quite suddenly, looked more spacious, it took some time for me to clear my mind enough to realise that the majority of the furniture was missing.

I looked around frantically, trying to understand what was going on. That's when i found the note. It was in the kitchen table, an yellow envelope by it's side.

It was a farewell note. From my dear mother. It didn't say anything more than, that her good-for-nothing boyfriend finally found a job and that said job was in Seattle, wich means they moved there. Together. And without me.   
  
  _Huh, abandoned twice in a day? Your starting a knew record, Cassidy._

I lay down on the floor, curling into a fetal position on the hard ground, feeling for the first time in my live, the greatest ache i've ever felt.

First dad, then my ex, now Carlisle and mom. Honestly, am i really that horrible person that makes everyone want to leave? Have i been such a trouble to everyone i've ever loved? What is it that is so wrong with me?  
  
_I told you so..._  
  
As i lay down on my kitchen floor, the sun outside starts to set, leaving the kitchen partially cold and dark. I don't move though, i have no strength for that, all i can feel from the top of my head to the tip of my toes is pain. A completely overwhelming pain.

  _Look what you have become._  
  
_Now, you are exactly the way you most feared. Alone in the darkness._

_I told you so....._

 


	4. Numb

**Chapter 4: Numb**

 

  
Memories come and go. Moments, conversations, hugs, kisses, love-making. All of it. Come and go, and i have to hold my head between my hands to try and stop the ache that comes with it.

 

_"Cassidy." He whisper my name, making me look at him again. His eyes, they are not gold anymore. They are black. Just like that last time in front of the convenience store._

 

_His lips descend to my jaw and he trails kisses there to my neck. In the back of my mind the word 'vampire' was present, but i ignore it and expose my neck even more to him._

 

_"We need to talk."_   
_"And what exactly do we have to talk about?"_   
_"Everything."_

 

_"When i first met you" He starts "I finally understood what the word 'mate' really meant."_

 

_"You're my mate, Cassidy."_

 

_"A vampire can only have one true mate."_

 

_"We don't really know how it happens. It's fate, they say. We were meant to be together"._

 

_"Love? Is everything okay?"_   
_"It is now" I say, never feeling so confident in my life as i am in this moment._

 

_While he assaults my mouth, i take my right hand to his knee. I moan when his hand raps through my hair and pulls slightly, my hand rises to his thigh slowly until it almost reaches his groin._

 

_"Carlisle" I moan his name over and over as he keeps going lower, now at my stomach._

 

_"Mornin', love"._

 

_He is beautiful. He is tremendously beautiful. His skin shines like it is made of little crystal diamonds._

 

_"I will never hold things from you, love. You can ask me anything."_

 

_Carlisle swallow my scream of ecstasy with his mouth that keeps devouring my lips non-stop._

 

_He takes me in his arms swiftly and bring his lips to mine. Murmuring his love for me over and over._

 

_"I love you."_   
_He looks stunned, for a second, completely frozen. Then his expression soften. His eyes are so complete with love and desire, it makes me breath faster. "I love you too, so much."_

 

_"You are beatiful, love."_

 

_"Mmmm. Your scent is magnificent."_

 

_"Are you ready?"_   
_"Yeah." I breathed out, excited, placing a hand -my good hand- on his shoulder._   
_He slips in easily, declaring his love and adoration for me as he helds himself within me, atop my body, for a shuddering moment._

 

_"Love me. Just love me."_   
_"That i already do."_

 

_Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar._

_I hate him..._

_I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU!_

Suddenly, all the anger from before hits me really hard in the chest. I get on wobbly legs and start a tantrum, throwing dishes and mom's plants on floor. I scream as i throw the kitchen chair at the wall, feeling a sort of glee when it smashes completely upon impact.

Then i go to the cellar in the basement, kicking and throwing out thing that crosses my way. When i reach my destination, i stop, looking carefully at the bottles and brands of alcohol that my dad left behind. He used to say that whiskey did have a expiration date and that it actually got bettet with time.  _Well, then, let's check it out, huh?_

I bring the bottle with me when i go back upstairs, not hesitating in opening and taking a big gulp. I spit almost all of it out when the strong taste hit my tongue, but that does not stop me from taking another sip again. And another. And another. And another.

I feel the numb in my chest after the fifth swig and finally feel like i might be able to go through the rest of the night. I go back to the living room, swaying a little bit, and fall ungraciously in the couch. It stinks of cigarettes -probably from mom's boyfriend- but that doesn't bother me, the smell of the whiskey it's so much more grander and, it is actually very familiar to me. I like it.

Involuntarily, i start hearing my father's voice in my mind, memories of my childhood, of him.

_"You need to know how to hold your licor, Cassie. When, you're older, i don't want any stupid boy to try to get you drunk and take advantage of you."_

_"Yes, daddy."_

_"Here.Try this on. It's just beer._

_"Yes, daddy."_

_"See? It's not so bad right?"_

_"Yes, daddy."_

Then i hear his voice as if he was right there, in my living room, as if he was by my side, whispering in my ear.

_"You're not gonna let any boy take advantage of you, right Cassie?"_

"Yes, daddy."

_Never again._

 

                               * * *

 

  
I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit, feeling nauseous and dizzy, with the worst taste in my mouth. I try to get up but end up falling on my knees, i try again, this time suporting myself in the furniture, i take a sip from the half full bottle that i am still holding and walk staggering up the stairs to the bathroom, where i fall face down on the toilet and threw up all the alcohol i consumed yesterday.

I smell horrible, i feel my skin dirty, i look disgusting, and my head hurts like shit. But my heart is frozen and my chest is numb, so i am feeling much more better than i felt last night. 

Ironic, huh. How many times have i found my father in this same position in the morning? Probably my whole life.

 Like father, like daughter.

Irony is a bitch. Destiny is even more than a bitch. And Fate is my enemy.

  
I pull the toilet flush and leave my whiskey bottle next to the door, then i slowly get up and start to undress.

When the cold water from the shower hit my face, i don't even flinch. I wash my hair first, because the smell was just to much, then let the water work it's way through my body and rinse the soap bubbles. There is a few red angry bruises in my knees where i probably got hurt when i fell earlier. Great, more scars to add the list. I look down to my stomach where i still have the ugly scars from James claws, i didn't knew they where so deep when it happened, back then, i only found that out when i was in the hospital. At least, i still have my arm.

I turn off the shower and leave, not bothering with drying myself. As i pass through the door, i don't forget to get my friend Jim Beam and take it with me to my room.

I fall face first in my bed and curl up around my blanket and pillow, then i carefully place my whiskey in my nightstand. There is a picture there. Of Bella and I, and that's the first time since all this shit happened that i remember my friend. _Fuck_.

  _Oh shit. Bella. How could i forget about her?_ Did she left with then? Did Edward break up with her? God dammit. I can't deal with this shit right now. It's not even 6 am yet. I'll call her later. She must be at home, there is no way that she left with them, not without me, or at least talking to me first, she wouldn't abandon me too. Right? All i need now is some good hours of sleep. Bella will be fine...i hope.

 

 


	5. Broken

**Chapter 5: Broken**

 

 

Bella was missing. BELLA WAS FUCKING MISSING. _What the hell?_

 

After i found my phone, inside my bag -that i didn't even realised i had bring it with me when i came home- i saw all the calls and messeges from Charlie. Apparently, Bella went to a walk in the wood with Edward and never cameback. I knew for a fact that if Bella had left with the _Bastard_ she would have made up an excuse so that her loving boyfriend would not be suspected of kidnaping. That's how i knew this was for real. She was missing. And it was all they fault. Edward must have broken up with her. When was this? Twenty hours ago? They must have found her. Otherwise the chief of police would be at my house now.

My friend needed me and where was i? Getting drunk in my couch, drowning in my misery.

 

I dress up in record time, forgoing underwear, just throwing on some leggings and a sweatshirt. I put my sneakers and run to the door.

I almost scream in surprise, when i open my door to find a person about to knock at it. Holly...

"Sam?" Sam Uley, from La Push was standing in my porch.

He stares at me for a few seconds, eyes going up and down in a deep frown. "Cassidy, why do you smell like alcohol?"

"What? I do not." I try smelling myself but can only feel a little bit of an whiskey aroma. He must have a good nose.  
  
"You do. And it's bad." He wrinkle hid nose in an adorable way, but the act only piss me off even more.

"What do you want, Sam?"

He drops the frown and sigh, looking tired and much more older than he actually is. "I wanted to know if you were okay."

Huh? Me? Why would he worry about me? Bella is the missing one. "I'm fine. I have to go by the way. I need to know what's going on with Bella, she is missing."

"She's not. We found her last night."  
  
My heart suddenly stops beating in such a frenetic way and i sigh, relieved. Oh, thank god. "We? You were there?"

"Yes. I was the one that found her actually." I wave him in, and he follows me to the kitchen.

"Where did you find her?" I sit at table chair and he does the same in front of me.

"In the woods, she got lost in the trail behind her back."

I snort. "She got lost? What where she doing there in the first place? It was Edward wasn't it? The bastard..."

"Broke up with her? Yes."

"Asshole." I whisper, feeling the anger rising again. "They left. All of them."

"I know. That's why i came."

At that i look up to his eyes. They look concerned. Worried. But, why? He couldn't be worried about me. It doesn't makes sense...unless...unless he knew. "What do you mean?" I murmur, heart suddenly beating a little faster.

"You might have fooled this whole town, but you don't fool me, Cassidy Carter." He looks a little to smug for my taste but i can still se the worry in his eyes.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I don't stop looking at his eyes, so he wouldn't think i was lying.

"You and Dr. Cullen." He say, his voice tone is completely certain of his statement.

"You...how...you're wrong, Sam. What? What are you talking about?" I stutter out, putting my hand in my chest as if i could hide the fact that it was beating quite madly.

He gives me a knowing look and i cave.

"Fine. Okay. How did you knew that?" I inquise, hoping that my glare would make him talk like his did to me.

"Secret."

"You're full of secrets, Sam Uley." I complain, biting my lip nervously.

"So is you, Cassidy Carter. What were you thinking, getting involved with him? Didn't i told to stay away from that family?" He looks angry now, and very much disappointed.

"You did. You just didn't specify _why_." I look down embarassed.

"Oh, so it was my fault then?" He laughs sarcastically. "Well, then, next time i'll personally warn you if the person you're interested is a..."

"What? What is him?" I look up, daring him to say.

"You know really well what he is, Cassidy." Sam's usual mask is back in his face.

"And so do you. How?"

He shrugs, looking around the house, as if realising for the first time the state i lefted in. "My tribe has some legends."

Oh. So he believes in the legends. Ironic. It was those stories that made us find out too. "Your tribe has some interesting legends. Do you believe in all of them?" I ask, and suddenly he is the one looking nervous.

"How do you know about the legends?" His tone is accusatory, but he looks like he is more worried than angry.

"There is a Quileute book store in Port Angeles. They have some nice books there." I say, which is true, Bella bought a book there before and she obsessed over it for a week, but i have never read a line from it.

He stares at me with an inquisitive look and i know that he didn't believed shit i just said. "Sure. What happened here though?" He changes the subject so quickly it makes me wonder if he is actually worry about that or if he is just distracting me from something else.

"Hm. I was...not really thinking straight." I sigh, looking at the mess i made and regretting profusely. "It's a mess, i know, but, my head is worse."

"I thought so." He says very quietly as if not wanting to disturbe me with his rough voice. "After i saw the state Bella was last night, i knew you would be feeling horrible too."

That statement brings a genuine smile to my lips. Sam is such a caring person, i knew that from the moment we met. I should have called him after that day, to catch up, to form a sort of friendship, but my mind was so full of Carlisle, and vampires that i forgot about it.

"Thanks, Sam. You didn't have to bother, but, i appreciate. Truly." I felt like touching his hand on top of the table, but i didn't want to make him feel unconfortable.

He gives me a honest, cute dimple smile that makes my heart flutter for a second. " Don't mention it. I told you once remember? You can always count on me, Cass."

I did. I remember as if it was yesterday. Suddenly, the world didn't seems so hard as before. I was still hurting, yes, still broken, and feeling in the mood to start a vote of celibacy or a man-hater campaign. But, i was not completely alone. I had friends. Friends, like Sam and... Oh shit Bella!

"Fuck. I have to go!"

 

                                 * * *

 

The Swan's house was looking almost like a funerary, there was an aura of death and misery around it. When i knocked on the front door, Charlie opened and looked extremely relieved to see me. He didn't said anything, just pointed to the stairs in as a way to tell me Bella was in her room.

The state that my friend was in, was a horrible thing to see. Bella was pale, quiet, almost catatonic. She looked dead. She was sitting in a armchair by the window, looking out but not really seing anything. She looked worse than i felt.

"Bella?" I murmur, walking closer but slowly to not scare her.

She doesn't answer. Doesn't even move. But i can see her shoulder shaking while she tries to hide her sobbing. I walk faster now, reaching her from behind and wraping my arms around her in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"I thought you had left." She whisper brokenly and it makes my heart squeeze tighter. "I thought you had left with them."

"I'm here. I'm not leaving you." I hold her as she cries, and i am extremely impressed with myself for not crying along with her. "I know. I understand." I try to soothe her, but it doesn't work really well.

She stops crying after some time and goes back to the way she was when i got there. Staring out a the window, to the nothing. She doesn't move. Just watch. What exactly she is watching a don't know, but it looks important to her because she doesn't stop looking to the same direction. The trail behind her house.

Didn't Sam said that's where she got lost? Why would she be looking at that if...only if, that's where he went when he left her. Oh my god, it was. Just like i runned outside to follow Carlisle when he left, Bella must have done the same, but she got herself a little to much into it.

That's what she was doing. She was waiting. Waiting for him to comeback to her. To tell her it was all a joke, an very early April Fool's Day. That it was all a misunderstanding and that they would be together forever.

I move around the armchair to see her better. The look in her face scares me. She looks lost. Completely out of it. Not catatonic, but close to it. She looks dead. Dead in the inside. The outside, now, is just a shell. He broke her.

She was broken.

And so was I.

 

 

 


	6. Never Forgive

**Chapter 6: Never Forgive**

 

 

Apparently, the yellow envelope my mother left for me with the note, contained money. _Enough for the month,_  it was written in bold letters on the other side of the yellow paper. Which meant, i had money for the next 15 days. When it ends then i would have to find a way to get more. Great.

"Fuck you!" I yell, to the absolutely nothing.

The house was dark, so i started to turn the lights on. When i looked at the state the house was in, i almost turned the lights off again, almost.

The place was a zone. There was glass in the floor, a broken chair in the corner of the wall and vomit in the couch. Double Great.

I sigh, forcing myself to clean the mess before of going to bed. As i sweep the glass with the broom, i try to think on all of my options right now.

I have to find a job, that's for certain. But, where to look at? Bella already works at the Newton's equipment store. There is also the small restaurant downtown, they must be a vacancy for a waitress now that mom left. There is the cafe. The super market. That's it? I guess i can look in La Push and Port Angeles too.

I finish cleaning the glass and go retract the pieces of the chair to throw out at the trash can.

But, if i did find a job in Forks, it would be part-time. Would that make enough money for the expenses? I have no idea. Maybe not. So then what? Leave school? Really, am i going to have to drop school to sustain for myself. Fuck, i hope not. What about college? Well, goodbye college my grades are not good enough for that anyway.

I throw the pieces of chair out and the trash too, then go back inside to clean the vomit in the couch. I should have done that earlier, the putrid smell is fucking impregnated in the cushions.

When i am finally over, i go up the stairs to my room, taking my shoes off as i walk, hopping in one leg to the other until i fall face down in the mattress, exhausted. _What a fucking day._

The Jim Beam bottle is still there in my nightstand. I hesitate for a second, before of reaching out and bringing the bottle to my lips. The taste is still horrible but it helps to calm my mind, that was going a million per hour. It helps to numb my chest and leaves me in more relaxed state. Calm. Languid. Just like my dad used to be.

It makes me feel better, i realise. Drinking. It makes me think of my dad in a way doesn't hurt, and it makes me stop thinking about Carlisle, and that is something that is so hard to do. Especially while i am alone.

I take another sip, longer this time, almost spit out but swallow all of it at the end. It's a good feeling. I feel lighter. Even a little happier. I giggle to myself, completely alone in my room, remembering about the time my dad dressed as Santa Claus when i was eleven. I don't know why that memory came to be. Maybe because i've never been as happy as i was that day, or maybe just because it is one of the few memories i have of my dad when he was sober. It doesn't matter though, it makes me smile, and i bring the bottle to my mouth again. And again. And again. The giggling doesn't stop either, it get's slowly though and slobbering. I drink again. Yes, it makes me feel better. It's exactly what i needed, after a day like this one. A good drink.

_"You will never let stupid little boys make you cry, right?"_

"Yes, daddy." I drink another swig.

 

                                * * *

 

I spended saturday morning leaving my -completely empty of experience- curriculum at all the places Forks had available. By now, the whole town must know that mother left. Then, i went to La Push, to try my luck there.

It didn't work out really well. The La Push reservation was probably smaller then Forks, and they were not interested in getting a job for someone that wasn't from they inner circle.

I end up alone in the First Beach, just staring at the beautiful sea. It always got me calmer, but it also always made me think. And since i was sober -for a few hours now- i couldn't stop the fucking memories.

_"Cassidy, love."_

No. No, fuck. Get out of my head. I don't want to hear his voice. I just want to forget. Forgive and forget, they say. But, i couldn't do that. I couldn't forgive him. Never. But i could forget. I just have to try harder.

"Cassidy?"

Sam's voice startles me and i jump from the place i was sitting in the sand. "Sam. You're following me or something?" I bite back a smile at seeing his handsome face.

"Me? You're the one in my reservation." He reply, looking a little bit to smug may i add.

"Your rez? Are you the mayor by any chance? " I ask, sarcasm visible in my tone.

He smiles that dimple-smile of his, that momentarily makes me remember of Emmett, but then i push that thought away quickly. _He left me too_ , i chastise myself. "Not mayor, no."

"Something else, then?"

He doesn't answer.

Sam takes a seat next to be in the sand. I realise quite suddenly that he has no shirt on, and my brain almost have short circuit. Damn. The man was amazing. He was all muscle and hotness, honestly, he looked like he could take on a guy as strong as Emmett.

"Close your mouth, otherwise flies will come in."

"Shut up." I reply, finally getting out of the trance i was in.

He laughs, a really sexy rough laugh that could turn any girl into a blushing mess. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, i was looking for a job."

"In La Push? You won't find it."

"Yeah, i noticed."

"You should try Port Angeles or Elwha, there is a lot of small towns around here."

"I know. I'll go on monday." I sigh, already exhausted just by thinking of it.

"So, how is your friend?" Sam ask, probably trying to make small talk, but thinking of Bella, actually rememberinh the state Bella is in, makes me unintentionally wince.

"Yeah, she is...not good."

"Oh, i'm sorry to hear that, but i am not surprised, i was the one that found her after all."

I don't say anything, hoping that he would just let that go and we could talk about something else. But, Sam was the kind of guy that liked to be a sort of therapist to young people, so i have realised.

"And you, how are you?"

_Do i look okay?_

"Fine." I say between gritted teeth.

"You don't look fine." His voice tone isn't condescending, no he is just worried. He is worried for me, and for that i am thankful.

"What do you expected, Sam? It's been only two days." I say, deciding to be honest with him, and biting my lower lip hard, trying to hold the tears that are threatening to fall. "And, he is all i can think about. Every fucking memory keeps running through my mind, as if i was seing a film of my own life. I remember everything, his smile, his eyes, lips, hands, and what they did to me. Every feeling, all the fucking time. And it doesn't stop. It doesn't go away, unless..."

"Unless, you drink." He finishes, his eyes suddenly sad, he looks away to the sea and add "I know how it feels. To think you have lost the love of your life. It's horrible, i know. And i also know that there is nothing other people can do or say to you, it doesn't make you feel any better. But, having company, having a friend. It is _better_ , Cass. I know, you feel like you're ripping apart right now, and that i can't change that. But, i can be your friend. I can be there for you, for anything that you need, whenever you need it. Don't hesitate to ask for help. You're not alone."

I can't hold back the stubborn tears anymore, i let them fall silently in my cheeks as i sit by his side, a small grateful smile in my lips. "Thank you, Sam."

He turn my way then, a small smile on his lips, one of his hands comes to my face and he clean my tears away. "The hardest part of ending it's starting again."

 

 

 


	7. October

**Chapter 7: October**

 

 

**One month later...**

 

Bella was ignoring me. Well, she was ignoring pretty much everyone. But, me? I am her bestfriend, that's just not right. She has fallen in a deep hole and has not comeback to the surface ever since.

It's been a month now, that _he-who-must-not-be-named_  left. A month of living as if a part of my soul was ripped from my body. A month of an empty house, an empty bed, an empty wallet and an empty heart.

Sam has been great, it's true. But, he has his own problems to deal with, i've noticed. He is always hanging out with the same guys, his crew of muscled man with no shirt on. When i am with Sam, things are better, good. But, when i'm not, the only thing that stop the voices and the memories in my head is the alcohol.

The sad truth. Drinking is the only solution to my problems. And i spend a good part of my salary with that pestime. I at lest i have a job now, and i win the enough to pay the bills, eat and drink. Thank god, i don't have to pay rent.

I found a job in Port Angeles on the monday of the fourth day post break-up. One good thing in my miserable life. I now work as a waitress in a small restaurant a few blocks away from the place where _He_  took me on our first date.

He. Him. Asshole. Blatant Liar. You-know-who. He-who-must-not-be-named. Lord Voldemort. My ex has many names now. All but his own. Because, infortunally he still has that power over me, where i can't even say his name out loud without making my heart squeeze painfully.

Bastard, is a name that i left reserved only to the prick that started all of this shit. Edward. The bastard.

  
The bastard that made my bestfriend become a walking zombie. That took all the life she had in her. That made Bella look like she is about to die from starvation. Honestly, how many more pounds can she loose?

I hate him. I hate them all.

I hate Edward, for being an ass.

I hate Rosalie, because that bitch must be loving it all of this right know.

I hate Emmett, because he was my friend and he left me too. God, sometimes we used to spend the whole night awake playing video games together, and talking and telling jokes. Did that meant nothing to him?

I hate Alice, because she was supposed to be the seer of the family, but it seams like there was a few times she did not saw the shit that was about to happen.

I hate, hate Esme, because she pretended to my friend, she made me open myself to her, she was like a mother, the mother i always wanted to have, but in the end she stabbed me in the back the worst way possible. She took him from me. She took a man that didn't belong to her. I gag just to think about it, an urge to throw up everything in my stomach, just to think about them together.

I hate Carlisle, because he made me believe, that he loved me, that i was worth it, that we would be together forever and it all would be a fairy tale. He promised me a happy ending, but all i got was an sorry-i-lead-on and i quick goodbye.

But, even though all of this shit happen because of him, i do not hate Jasper. I don't hate him at all. I pity him. He must have felt horrible after that night. Like he had failed. I know how it feels to be a failure, so i understand him. I also know, that being an empath was the real reason why he attacked Bella that day, honestly, it would have being asking too much of him to control himself, when he could feel the bloodlust of six vampires and his own. Especially, since Bella is Edward's singer. He must be blaming himself for all of that, and i just wished i could somehow tell him, it was not his fault. After all, he was my friend too, we weren't as close as Emmett and I, but sometimes he played video games with us too.

There is a lot of hate in me right now, and i know that is not healthy, but i can't make it stop. The hate is consuming me so strongly that sometimes all i can see is red. My vision clouds and i can't stop thinking about revenge. What would i do if i ever see _him_ again? How could i make him pay? How could i make him suffer?

Those questions never have an answer. Maybe i am unable to hurt him like he did to me, or maybe it's just not in my nature to make someone suffer like i am right now.

So the month of October is spended the best way i can. With a beer or two, after work. Or a small sip of whiskey in the middle of class -cortesy of my spider-man bottle that no one suspect contains alcohol in it- and of course let's not forget the sundays in La Push First Beach, that i always bring a beer package with six small cans inside. Which always result in Sam showing up and throwing out the rest of my beer and telling me to stop drinking. It never works but he is persistent.

What a great first month, huh? Can't wait for the next one.


	8. November

**Chapter 8: November**

 

 

Today was the third day i didn't wake up in a pool of my own vomit, and only with a small head ache, huh, it looks like i am getting better at this.

November was almost at the end, and i was still suffering over that Asshole. Yeah, i'm pathetic i know.

It was sunday and i couldn't leave any faster to La Push. So much was my need to go to the beach, that i for the first time in weeks forgot my pack of beer. Oh great.

Bella was still ignoring the world and it's whole existence. So, Sam was now oficially my one and only solace.

When i park my bike next to the sidewalk, Sam is already there, waiting for me. He smiles that easy going smile and gives me a one sided hug.

"You look better today."

"You mean sober." I deadpan.

"That too." He smiles fully now, white sharp teeth showing through his small lips.

It is such an honest looking smile that i can't help but to smile back at him, closing my arm around his waist as we take a few steps into the sand ground. "I forgot the beer."

"That's a good thing. It means you don't need as much as you thought you did." He lay his right arm on top of my shoulders and guide me closer to the sea.

"Or, i simply forgot to put the beer in my bag."

His sudden laugh reverberates through his chest. "You don't give up, do you?"

I sigh, turning to give him my full attencion. "I know, you're trying to take care of me, Sam. But, it's hard, when i am not with you it get's..."

"Hard to handle." He finish for me and i give him a greatful look.

"Yes, exactly."

"Well, then don't."

"What?" I frown, confused.

"Stay away from me."

I smile a little bit wider and punch him lightly in the chest. "If i didn't know you better, Sam Uley, i would have thought you were hitting on me."

"I man can't even be kind to his female friend without looking like he wants something more out of the deal." He complains, and i don't miss the sarcastic look on his face.

"Don't worry, i won't tell Emily." I make a scout's honor sign.

  
His smile drops a little and he bites his lip nervously, something so unlike Sam that it makes me worry for a second. "By the way. Emily wants to meet you."

"She does?" I ask surprised, for only a second, then i totally get it. Of course, she wants to meet me, it makes sense. She wants to make sure i am just a friend and i am not trying to steal her boyfriend. Honestly, if my boyfriend was spending too much time with some girl i would like to met her too.

"Yeah, she wants to meet, 'The famous Cassidy', her words not mine."

"Famous? Why you talk about me too much, huh, Sam?" I grin, poking him in the ribs playfully.

"Me? Huh. Not at all. Don't think to highly of yourself, please." He mocks, an adorable blush making it's way on his neck.

"Admit it, Sam. You talk about me all the time." I poke him again, this time harder. He doesn't even flinch.

"Not even a little."

"You're constantly thinking about me."

"No. Uh-uh."

"All the time." I poke him once more, this time lower and he can't hide the little smirk forming in his lips.

"Shut up. You lunatic."

"Honestly, Sam. You don't need to worry about me so much. I'm a big girl."

"That acts like a child."

"I do not!" I pout.

"You just proved."

I am one second away to hit him in the arm when, a another deep voice calls for Sam from behind me. Sam's face suddenly get's more serious and he gives this person an warning look.

I turn around quickly, curiousity taking the best of me. When i set my eyes in the new comer, i literaly need to bite my lower lip not to leave my mouth wide open like a stupid little girl. It was a guy. Not just some guy. It was a really, really hot guy. Hot like, Sam kind of guy. He was tall, dark short hair, severe expression, toned abs, full on six-pack, and he had NO fucking shirt on. Really, what do those people from La Push have against using clothes?

"Paul." Sam say the stranger's name and tells him to approach with a nod.

"I'm done with patrol."

The fuck? Patrol? What's Sam job, anyway? Security guard of the rez? I don't know, i've never asked. I just realised what a horrible friend i am. Sam, knows everything about my life, but i hardly know anything about him.

"Good. You can go home now if you want, Paul. I'll take your place."

"Sure." Paul answer, but he does not move. No, he just stay there staring at me with those dark inquisitive eyes.

"I'm sorry, Cass. I have to go. I'll call you later, okay? And we can see a day for you to meet Emily."

"That would be great, Sam."

He gives me a quick kiss in the forehead and leaves, taking off in a run as fast as a professional Olympic sprinter.

When Sam disappear in the trail of woods, an awkward silence fills in. Paul, is still staring at me closely.

"What?" I ask, not kindly may i add, but i've never been a delicate girl anyway.

"You're the Leech Lover, aren't you?"

"The fuck you just call me?" I yell, pissed.

Who does this guy think he is, calling me...wait, did he just call me. OH MY GOD! He said Leech Lover. LEECH. He knows. How does he know? Who told him? Wait a minute, what is going on here?

My heart is almost ripping out of my chest by now, and i am close to hipervantilate. Paul realise that and gives me a smug self satisfied smile.

"Oh, i'm sorry did i offended you?" His mock apology only made me want to hit him in the head with a beer bottle. Why the hell did i forgot just today?

"Yes. You don't go around calling people that you never met like that. And, by the way, please enlight me to where have you taken that from?" I grit my teeth, pissed at this guy for opening his mouth and completely ruining the erotic fantasy i was having with him. Asshole.

"Oh, you know exactly what i am talking about, Leech Lover. Why did you choose a dead body to keep you warm at night, i will never understand."

What the fuck? Did everyone in La Push knew about my  _secret_ relationship. "Oh, so you think that i should have chosen a better man is that it? Warmer?" I ask, sarcastically and taking a few angry steps closer to him.

"Sure. You wouldn't be at the rock bottom right now. Or at the bottom of the cheapest whiskey bottle."

I flich at his choice of words and he notices, the smug smile never leaving his face.

"Go take care of your own life. I don't need some weirdo with no shirt on to come and tell how to live my life."

"Sure. Whatever you say, Leech Lover." He say, turning around and going to whenever he came from.

"And stop calling me that." I scream.

I hear his laugh and then a quiet "Whatever you say, Leech Lover."

He is gonna pay. Oh yeah, the asshole is gonna pay. Paul, huh? That's his name. Well then Paul, you better get ready, 'cause i'm coming for you. And i'm not afraid to bite.

 


	9. December

**Chapter 9: December**

 

 

  _Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock..._

Argh, that annoying music is going on everyday at work since the 1st of december. And, even thought it is sunday and i don't work today, the song just won't fucking leave my mind.

Today is the day i will finally meet Emily. Two weeks ago, Sam asked me to come over to his house for dinner and today is, finally, the day we arranged for the ocasion.

I dress as casual as possible, with clothes covering absolutely all of my skin, just to make sure she won't misunderstand my friendship with her boyfriend. Then, apply just the enough amount of makeup to erase the dark circles around my eyes. Lately, insonia is been a real bitch to me, having to stay awake at night, because of the dreams, only makes me drink even more. My boss already gave me a dark glare yesterday when i showed up to work, 20 minutes late and with a little faint smell of alcohol. I have a feeling that the next time it happens, she won't be so considerate.

I park my bike in front of a nice cozy looking house, the adress said it was Sam's house, and i am pleasantly surprise to see how cute looking the house is. It doesn't look like a man's house, it was probably Emily's doing.

There is a tall man standing with his back turned to me in the front porch. At first, i thought it was Sam, but then the man turned around and i could see perfectly who it actually was. Paul. The prick from the beach. And he was looking at me amusedly.

Sam leaves the house suddenly and comes my way with an apologetic smile. He knew i didn't liked, Paul, because i had told him about what he called me last time. And everytime i saw him after that. Which wasn't much, just a few days after that first time, and he only said two words to me. Which happened to be: Leech Lover. _Fucker_.  
  
"Hey. Right on time, come on in." Sam holds my wrist and swiftly pulls me in the house. As i pass next to Paul i can't stop my childish self and i end up showing him my middle finger. His smirk gets larger, if that's even possible.

"Honey, she's here." Sam calls. But it is not a girl that comes, no, it is another tall, muscular man with the same hair cut and the same lack of a shirt. Seriously, is this a trend in La Push?

"Yes, darling. " He sarcastically reply, smirking at Sam when he glares at him.

"Jared." He sigh, giving his neck a light massage, as if already tired of this whole situation. "Cassidy, this is Jared Cameron. Jared, this is Cassidy..."

"Carter." I finish for him, shaking Jared's hand. He winks at me as if he new my heart fluttered a little bit when our hands joined. He is handsome too, oh great. What's in the water of this place? Can i have a little bit too.

"Hello." He gave me a cheeky grin, then Sam cleared his throat to call his attention.

"You can start patrol, Jared." He say, that comanding tone he used with Paul before was present. "And take, Paul with you."

Speaking of the devil, he comes inside, stopping at the door of the living room, his gaze burning my skin at every swap of his eyes.

"You know, Paul?" Jared's question is directed to me.

"Not really." I murmur, hating that my body was getting warmer just by the way he was looking at me.

"Well, then, Cassidy, this is Paul Lahote." He introduces his friend, but Paul does not make any move to acknowledge me, so i just stay on my own.

"Sup." I give him the same answer i did with _Edw-The Bastard_  when we where first properly introduced.

Sam sigh again and excuse himself to go look for Emily. When, he turns left and disappear out of sight, the room grown into an awkward silence, and a staring match takes place. Paul was winning, he had the most penetrating eyes i've ever seen. I was so distracted by it, that i didn't even saw Jared coming closer to me. I almost jumped when i felt his heat right next to my arm.

"Don't stare too much at Emily's face." He whisper in my ear. "Sam, doesn't like it."

"What do you mean?" I ask confused, but it was too late, he was already on his way to the door. I was one second away to calling him back, when i heard footsteps coming from the direction Sam had disappeared to.

Sam comes back to the living room, holding hands and almost pulling the petite girl by his side. Oh.  _OH_. Okay, i get it now. Emily was a cute looking girl, very girlish looking with those pigtails, but what was the most surprising -and obviously the reason of Jared's warning- was the big scar on the right side of her face. It was...bad.

"Hi." I say, shyly and so not like myself that i have to take a few seconds to clear my mind. "Hello, I'm Cassidy."   _Don't stare at her scar, don't stare at her scar, don't stare at her scar, don't stare at her scar..._

"Hey. Nice to meet you." She say, a small smile in her lips. She tucks at the hair next to her scar shyly. _Shit, am i staring at it?_

She looks unconfortable so i look away, around the room, my eyes finding Paul's, that still stood there, for some reason. "Nice house." I say, remembering my manners and looking back at the couple that invited me.

"Thank you." Sam reply, looking a little relived for the end of the awkward silence. "I practically made it myself."

"Really?" My eyes go as wide as possible. "Wow. Impressive."

I think Sam almost colors a little, and i have to bite back a smile at seing his face. Emily then announce that the dinner is ready and we should probably go to the kitchen. As i follow the couple, that don't stop holding each others hands, i hesitate for a second and look back over my shoulder to the place Paul was standing.

He wasn't there anymore.

  
Dinner ended up being, hm, well, awkward. Emily was a nice girl, i could see that, but there was also a certain possessivity in the way she was with Sam. I could see that in him too, of course, he was really in love with her, but Emily was just much more. I felt like she was trying to show me, he was hers and hers alone. I gotta respect that, i mean, he is hers, but honestly it just made me feel a little unconfortable. By the end of the meal, i just wanted to go running back home.  
"Thanks for coming, Cass." Sam say, as he walk me back to where i parked my bike.

"Thanks for inviting me. It was, nice, not being alone, i mean." And i really meant it. Not only today, but everytime since _The break up_ , Sam has being a real good companion.

"Call me if you need anything." He gives my arm a gentle squeeze then turn around and go back to Emily that was waiting -and watching closely- at the front porch.

I wave and wait for them to go back inside before of mounting my bike. A noise coming from the woods behind me makes my heart beat a little faster and turn to look at the trail beside the house. There was nothing there, but i hear the noise again, so i grab my lantern and go check it out. I don't go in the woods, of course, it was too dark for that, but i go as far as i can, at the beginning of the trail and turn on my lantern to see if there was indeed something there. It was empty.

"What you looking for?" I hear coming from behind me, and this time i certainly jump away, holding my hand in front of my mouth to hold a scream.

"What the hell" I hiss, turning around to glare at the asshole that scared me.

"What do you think you were doing?" Paul ask, a little bit annoyed and also disappointed. _The fuck is wrong with this guy._

"I heard a noise." I say, trying to calm my beating heart. "I was just checking."

"Let me see if i get it..."

"Don't work to hard your only neuron." I murmur quietly, but he completely ignores me.

"...you heard a noise. Coming from the woods. And, you thought it was a good idea to go investigate. In the woods. At night. Alone." He deadpans. The look on his face so arrogant that it makes me want to punch him right in the mouth.

"I wasn't going _inside._ I was checking from afar." I put the light of my lantern in his face and he frowns until i turn it off.

"Very wise decision. What if it was a murder." He comes closer, that same intense look in his eyes.

"In La Push? I hardly doubt."

"An animal." One step closer.

"So close too the house? Unlikely, but well you never know."

"What if it was something else." He is as close as he can get without actually touching me. My breathing was getting faster and he realised.

"Like what?"

"Like that boyfriend of yours." He whisper in my ear, making the little hairs in my arms stand up.

" _The Cullens don't come here_." I quote Sam's words from almost a year ago and bite my lip hard, waiting for his answer.

He laughs, suprising me with the intensity of it and the way his shoulders shake and his chest rumbles. God, he is sexy. Wait, what, don't think that. _Bad Cassidy_ , i scold myself as if i was a naughty dog.

"You have balls, Leech Lover."

"Stop calling me that." I say between gritted teeth, i tuck my lantern back in my pocket and start walking again, back to my bike. He follows me.

"You know, your dear leech and his family might not come here, but they are not the only ones of they kind." At this i stop, suddenly remembering James dark eyes and fangs full of Bella's blood. I can't hold back a shiver and a terrified look that forms in my face. "So be careful, Leech Lover. Don't go in the woods alone."

He leaves quite suddenly, not turning around once. It takes me a few time before i am calm enough to drive back home and it's only when i am half the way there that i realise he was actually consurned for my safety, worried enough to warn me to stay away from the forest.

What is it with this guy? Does he hates me, does he not? He is so confusing.

But, most importantly, how could they all know about Carlisle and I.

 

  
                              * * *

 

Fourth day of not waking up in a pool of my own vomit. Yay! It's a new record. After the dinner with Sam, i got back home and slept like a baby, with not even one drop of alcohol in my mouth. It was a new achievement and i was happy for it, of course, only, until i woke up in the morning to another day of an empty house and the absence of warmt in my heart.  
  
I took a bottle of vodka this time. Another inheritance from my father's wine cellar. I wonder why he left all of this expensive bottles behind when he left home -it used to be his babies-, well more to me i guess. The thing tastes bad. It felt great though. At the moment at least, then i had to get up and go to school, where i got some weird glances from my class mates. They have being giving me those for a while now. The teachers too. Fuck them, they don't know what i've being going through, only that my mom left, and they have not offered me one single help our a shoulder to cry on.

Yep. Nice friends. Bella too. She is still looking like one of the zombies of The Walking Dead TV show. She could work as an extra.

 

Next days is a very cheery one, because of my unusual sobriety, i believe. I go school and actually do some studing, them i go to my job that takes me some time because it is in another city, and today i saw my boss smile at me, just a little. It's a nice difference.

It all goes down the river when i comeback home to my empty nest, only to see that it was getting closer to that time of the year where people get excited for the holidays.

I reach at my new friend Jose Cuervo, that i stole from the convenience store downtown -yeah, yeah, i know, Bad Cassidy-, and take it with me to the kitchen. I have those little shot cups, another cortesy of my dad, and i don't even hesitate in taking one. It does not taste as bad. I actually liked.

The memories of past holidays leave immediately and i laugh at absolutely nothing at all, completely alone in my kitchen table, and drinking to salute my misery. I can already picture my christmas being exactly like this.

  _At lest i have a new friend. And you will never leave, right, Jose?_

It's crazy but i think i hear it reply. Yeah, it talked to me. What did it said? What is that? Never? Oh, my friend, you will never leave me? Well then,  _i will never leave you either._

 

  
                               * * *

 

Next sunday morning i woke up in my bathtub. Don't ask me how i ended up there cuz i don't know. It was after a few shots i think. I was celebrating something. What was it? Oh yeah, school is closed. It's holiday time!!!!

It takes me a few minutes to realise, that the fact that i am not hangover, is because i am still drunk. Oh, well, even better. You see, that's the secret. To not get a hangover, is to never stop drinking. Lol.

Fuck. I am so drunk right now i can't even get up from the bathtub, it's riddiculous. The way i keep slipping down everytime i try to get up. I must look reeeeeally funny. When i fail to get out for the fourth time, i grab my phone from the bathroom floor and text Bella for help.

_'Hulp. Cant gett awt.'_

She doesn't reply. I don't really think she understood the seriousness of the situation, otherwise she would have helped me, right? Bella wouldn't leave me stuck here. Right? Maybe i should call Sam. Oh, no. No no no, he would make that sad face and i would cry because i am cry baby now it looks like. I cry cry cry, all the fucking time. Really Cassidy cant you control yourself anymore?

Apparently not. I cant control my life anymore, much less myself. I cant control the crying, i cant control the dreams, i cant control the sadness, i cant control the want, i cant control the longing, i cant control the anger, i cant control the hate.

How i wish i could go back in time and say to my younger self to stay away from that fucking hospital. Or i wish to at least be able to stop pinning over a person that doesn't deserve me. I wish i had Hermione's time-turner, or that i was in a different story, in a different world, like in Supernatural where the Winchesters hunt vampires and kill them all.

I wish for a lot of things, but a have feeling that this year there will be no presents from dear Santa for me. Well, i cant blame the guy. I've been a naughty girl, after all.

 

                               * * *

 

  _We wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, and a happy new year..._

That tradicional christmas song was going on, on the radio nonstop. I didn't have cable TV anymore, so the radio was my only companion. It was christmas eve and as i expected i was spending my holiday alone with no family or friends. Sam did invited me  for christmas and thanksgiving but i refused. After that awkward dinner, i've seen Emily two more times and i still got the cold shoulder from her, so i thought it was better not to. Bella didn't even invited me, and that hurted more than i let on.

Even though, when the clock shows midnight, i send her a text messege.

_'Merry Christmas, klutzBella.'_

I send Sam a messege too. A bigger one though, thanking him for the last few months and the support. He answered right away.

  _'Merry Christmas, Cass. Wish you were here.'_

It was a small text but so much _Sam_ that i could do nothing to stop the greatful tears from falling of off my eyes. Sam was really amazing. I can't even think what would be of me now without him.

I drink the rest of my homemade eggnog -with a little bit of rum, of course- and go upstairs to bed. The room was could and dark, even though i had my lampshade on. I cuddle between my covers, getting cozy and close my eyes to try to sleep.

Images and memories begin to flood my mind, places and people that for me now seem to have come from a distant past. Last year christmas was not the best i've ever had but it was alright. At least i was not alone. I had my mom, which to me at the time didn't really meant much, but now, well i do miss having her around the house once in a while. I miss waking up to the smell of bacon being fryed for breakfast, i miss not having to wash my own clothes, i miss watching those stupids christmas movies together, even though i complained about it back them. But most importantly, i miss my mother. Not the woman who abandoned me, not the woman that didn't talk or looked me in the eyes at all, but the woman, the mother i had once. The one that let me sleep in her bed when i was little and afraid of the darkness, that took me to school when i was to young to drive myself, that took care of my wounds, that healed them, that kissed me good night. The woman she was before my dad left.

Is this my fate i wonder, to become not only, my father, but my mother too. A woman broken by a man that left her. A woman with no heart to love again.

My phone rings when i am about to grab the whiskey bottle at my nightstand. I almost drop it when i see it is a messege from Bella.

_'Merry Christmas, Cass. I...i'm sorry. For everything.'_

It wasn't much, but it made me extremely happy. The enough to make me cry tears of joy. She wasn't dead after all, broken yes, so was i. But, there is nothing broken that can't be fixed. Of that i can only hope.

Hope. It's the main purpose of Christmas after all, isn't it? You hope that you will get that thing that you most wanted. Well, if i could make a wish right now, it wouldn't be for my mom, or for _Him_ , it would be for Bella. I wish she would come out of her shell. Be herself again, or at least try too.

Come on Santa, will you allow me this miracle?

 

 


	10. Danger

**Chapter 10: Danger**

 

 

  
Trying to dress more properly was a harder task then i remembered. I haven't used one tiny little bit of makeup in months or clothes that complemented me, at all. It was almost as if i had forgotten how to be a proper girl.

I finally find a blouse -that is warm enough and that it's not dirty- and put on a normal tight jeans that fit me quite nicely in all the right places. When i leave home, it is the first time in three months that i actually feel anything close to pretty, or at least decent.

I ride to La Push, passing shortly in front of Bella's house -that still looked, as if it was a hunted house- and, park silently in the same spot from all the other times i came to the First Beach. This time, though, Sam was not there to receive me. Which was uncommon, he usually always waited for me there.

As usual, the beach was completely empty, i could understand why people wouldn't go there at this time of the year, the wind made the weather quite chilly. I started walking, as close as possible to the sea without dampen my shoes, until, that weird little feeling in my chest suddenly started to consume me, my heart beat was so fast that i almost couldn't breath as easy as before.

I felt like i was being watched. It was such a weird feeling, i couldn't help but look around, just to be sure. But, there was no one there. The feeling didn't go away though.

I turn around, ready to go back home, when i see the reason for so suddenly feeling in danger. I froze in my spot. My heart start to beat madly in my chest, my hands shake, and it get's hard to breath, so hard. I was hipervantilating, and the person standing a few meters away from me, only smile in return.

 

It was her. Victoria. The one and only. The vampire that was helping James in trying to kill Bella and I. And she was smiling so happily at me that an outsider would think we were long time friends.

"Hello, darling." Her voice was so angelic, i almost believed she was a kind hearted person, but her eyes were so full of hate, it made my shivering worse.

"Fuck."

 

I didn't think, i just took of in a run. Running as fast as could, as if that would make any difference, as if she would somehow just leave me alone. She laughs at my stupidity, and starts to come my way, in a human pace, as if she didn't felt like in a hurry to kill. No she wanted to torment me first.

When i was about to enter the forest of the rez, her laughter suddenly stopped. It was so sudden that it made me stop too. I look back over my shoulder and frown, confused, at the look on her face. She wasn't looking at me at all, she was watching the trees intently, with a concerned expression on her face. What was she looking at?

As if on cue, the trees in front of me start to move. Someone was coming out of it. No, not someone, something.

  
It was a...animal. No, a wolf. A giant wolf. A FUCKING GIANT WOLF.

And he was right in front of me. Oh god.

This is funny, in a sorta twisted way. Victoria had me, but it looks like she was too slow. Now, i am gonna be devoured by a wolf. Instead of killed by a angry female vampire. Well, i'll die both ways. Goodbye world!

I am frozen in my spot, eyes open wide and heart beating fast, as i watch the scene develop in front of me. Behind the giant black wolf, comes too more. A brown one and another of a silver shade. The black one it's the biggest one, i realise. He looks me in the eyes and swear i could see something almost like care in them. What?

He surprises me by jumping my way. I yell and fall on my butt, only to realise, he wasn't jumping at me, no, he jumped around me, landing loudly on the sand floor behind me and taking of in a run towards victoria. The others followed him, and only then did i actually realise what was really going on. They were not trying to eat me. They were protecting me.

Oh my god. They went after her as if she was a easy target. I got up from the sand and turn around to look more closely, but she was already leaving. She jumped in the sea and swimmed until her red hair disappeared from sight. She run away? Why? She was afraid of them?

I walk more closely and as if they could sense me, they all turn they furred heads my way. I stop walking and feel completely exposed, and confused, not really knowing what to do now. Should i thank them?

"Hey." I whisper, a little frighted at the size of the beasts.

They don't move but i swear i heard the silver one snort. I start walking again, closer, looking at the wolves in something like awe and fear. What are they? They could just be normal wolves, they are not supposed to be that big.

"Thanks." I say, suddenly feeling a little stupid for trying to talk with animals, but grateful nontheless.

  
The brown one had grey eyes and they looked at me for a few seconds before turned back to the black one, as if waiting for instructions. The black wolf nods his giant head and the other ones leave immediately, the silver wolf hesitating for a second before of following the first one.

Then he comes my way, and i can see he is way more bigger than i realised. His fur is black as the night and his eyes are too knowing for him to be just a animal. He doesn't stop in front me, he keeps walking until he reach the woods, then he looks back at me as if waiting for me to follow him. I do it, a walk closely behind him, looking around at the beautiful scenery of the La Push forest, he was taking me some place, i've been to these woods before so i watch every step carefully.

"Hm, where are we going?" I ask, feeling stupid once again for taking with a wolf, but it was not like i had anyone else to ask to.

He snorts and that makes me be sure that he knew exactly what i was saying, he could comprehend me, which meant i was not going mental. Good, at least i didn't have to add lunatic to my list of negative aspects of my personality.

"Are we going to stop anytime soon?"

Once again, as if on cue, he stops, then turn around to look at me closely. The wolf was looking at me so intently, that i was hypnotized by his dark eyes. He huff, as if annoyed at me for not understanding what he was trying to say, then he comes closer and nudges my shoulder with his snout. What? He does again, this time a little hard. Oh, he wants me to turn around. Okay.

I turn around, my back to him and feel and listen him get in a safer distance from me. Then i hear a weird noise, i've never heard before, the another i have ceartainly heard. Shuffling of clothes. What?

"Cass."

I jump. I jump a whole meter of distance from the rough voice. I knew that voice. I know exactly who it belongs too. My hands starts to shake as i hear footsteps coming closer to me.

"Cassidy." He say my name once more. This time i could feel his heat in my back, he was so close. "You can turn back now."

I can do nothing but obey his command. I turn around, biting my lip slightly, and look at my friend in the eyes, confusion obviously on my face.

"Sam."

 

 


	11. Secret Revealed

**Chapter 11: Secret Revealed**

 

 

"Sam"

He doesn't say anything, just stare at me, a worried expression on his face. I bite my lip harder, trying to make my brain understand what the hell was going on there. Sam was the giant wolf? What about the other ones? Jared and Paul? Of course, who else would it be.

"Cass." He say my name for the third time, a whisper that leavea his lips, the worried look on his face still intact.

"How?" I find power enough on me to ask. The confusion and curiosity making my brain turn upside down. "How did you do that? You...you are a...what are you exactly?"

He sigh, looking suddenly much older than he actually is. "A shape-shifter."

"A what?" I frown, confused. Honestly, i was expecting him to say _werewolf_ , not shape-shifter, what the hell is that? Why do i always get involved with paranormal creatures?

"A shape-shifter. I can turn into a wolf." He say, matter of factly, as if that answered all of my questions.

"Isn't that a werewolf?" I ask, massaging my temple that suddenly felt like was going to explode.

"No. Werewolves are people that get infected with the werewolf poison during a full moon. At least, that's what i think, i never met one." He frowns, looking at me attentively. "We can shape-shift into a wolf because that's something that comes from our blood and heritage."

"The legends." I whisper, suddenly remembering the story Bella told me so long ago. About the Cullen's and the wolves. Oh my god, it was all true.

"Yes. The legends." Sam's face was stoic, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there in that moment.

"So. You, Jared and Paul?" My breathing slowed and even though this was all so crazy, i was actually feeling calmer.

"Yes. It's been just the three of us for a while. But it will be more soon." He didn't sound really happy about that, more angrier actually.

"What do you mean?"

"The Cullen's are not the only vampires around here." He huffs.

"But, what do they have to do with it, i thought it was a heritage thing." I ask, getting even more confused at every answer.

"It is, but, it is only instigate when we catch the scent of a leech." He explains, looking at my reaction closely. "When the Cullen's moved back here, it started again. I was the first to phase."

"Phase?"

"Transform."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"..." I didn't knew what to say, i didn't knew what to ask, well, i knew what i wanted to know but i didn't know where to start it. It was like having that first conversation about vampires with Carlisle again. Awkward and completely out of this world. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"What are you apologising for?" His face is set in a frown.

"Victoria." I sigh, shivering just by hearing her name.

"Who?"

"The redhead. The vampire from earlier. She's here because of me."

He stops for a second, frown still intact on his face. "She is after you?"

"Yes. Well, Bella and I."

"Why?"

"Because the Cullen's killed her friend, boyfriend, lover, i don't know."

"Why? You never told me this story." He sound disappointed.

"There is a lot of stories you never told me, Sam Uley." I can't take the accusation out of my tone.

"I'm telling you now."

"We crossed paths once, they tryed to kill us. The Cullen's killed her companion. The end." I deadpan.

"..." Now it was Sam's time be the confused one, he actually looked like his brain hurt from all that information. "So, she is here, because of you?"

"Yes. Because of me. And Bella too."

He sigh, extremely tired all of sudden. "Well, that makes sense. She's been trying to get past us for a while now."

Oh my god. Seriously? Why god? Why? Why me?

"I'm sorry, Sam." I say, feeling suddenly so ashamed. It was all my fault. Why the fuck did i even get myself involved in this shit. "It's my fault."

"Hey. No it's not." He comes closer, arm stretched out to reach me, then he suddenly stops, as if worried i might no want him to touch me.

I fall on his chest, without a second tought, breathing in the scent of him i am so used to it, his arms circle around my small frame and he rests his head on top of mine. I couldn't hold back the angry tears anymore "Sam. I'm so sorry. She wasn't supposed to be here. I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

He didn't said anything this time. He just holded me. Holding me tightly to his warm body as i cryed, frustrated about all of my situation, asking for forgiveness nonstop.

"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry..."

  _It's all my fault_.

 

                                * * *

 

  
"So you phased for the first time 2 years ago?" I was currently sitted on the sand floor of the First Beach, asking Sam every kind of question that passed through my mind.

"Yes. Right after the Cullen's moved back here."

"And that's when you met Emily?" I ask, curiosity evident in my face.

"Hm, no. Actually, well, that's a complicated story." He almost stutters, wich is something so unlike Sam, that sparks even more curiosity on me, if that's even possible.

"Elaborate, please." I give him a pointed look, when he glares my way, not backing out of my request for answers.

"Hm, well, fine. When i phased, i was dating Leah. Leah Clearwater." He gives me a side glance and i nod for him to go along. "Well then, when i found out i could transform into a giant wolf i thought it was better if i stayed away from her."

"Of course you would think that, Sam." I sigh, then pat his hand to reasure him. Sam is so selfless, he always do what he thinks is best for people. "But, girls don't like when guys decide how they should live they life."

"No, they don't. So, after a few months i decided to go talk with Leah, i wasn't really going to tell her about my ' _problem_ ' but i knew she deserved some kind of answer."

"She was mad at you?"

"She was but not because of that." He takes a deep breath, as if mentally preparing himself to say the words. "I went to her house to talk with her, and that's when i met Emily. Leah's cousin. Emily."

Oh. _OH_. "Oh my god, Sam..."

"I know. I know it sounds bad, but, it's not like i had a choice, it just happened." He sounds as if he is trying to make himself believe in it, and not just me.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, Cass. It happened with you too." He gives me a sad look, and that's enough to make me understand what exactly he was trying to say.

"Oh. You mean, the soulmate thing?"

"Yes, but we call it imprint."

"So, Emily is your soulmate? I mean imprint."

"Yeah."

"And, what does Leah think of that?"

At this he looks troubled. "She doesn't know." His tone is resigned but firm.

"She doesn't know you are a werewolf or that her cousin is your imprint?"

"Both. And i am not a werewolf."

Oh, Sam. "Why haven't you told her? She thinks you chosen her cousin instead of her. Sam, she must be feeling horrible. Why are you making her go through this?"

"Cass, you don't get it. This whole thing is a secret. The tribe doesn't know. Just the elders. I am not allowed to tell her."

"You told me." I point out, suddenly feeling disappointed in my friend.

"You already knew the legends anyway. And you saw us. If i didn't told you, you would go around telling people that there was a pack of giant wolves lurking in the woods."

"I would not!" I complain, but deep down i knew he was right.

He doesn't say anything, just stare at the green sea, the saddest look i've ever seen on his face. That's when i realise, that he still loves Leah deeply, and it kills him inside, to have to lie to her. I don't even know the girl and i already sympathize with her.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sure one day she will understand." _Will she?_

 _Will you?_ the little voice in my head ask.

"I hope so." He murmurs.

 We can only hope after all.

"You don't look so surprised about all of this." He say, giving me a side glance.

 "Well, your not the first paranormal creature i've ever met."

   _Infortunally_.

  



	12. Paul Lahote

**Chapter 12: Paul Lahote**

 

 

Mondays were the worst days in my opinion. Especially when i spended all night long, awake thinking about the last 24 hours of my life.

Sam was a werewolf. Fine, shape-shifter, whatever.

But, most importantly, Victoria was after me. And Bella too. Great.

How come it have never crossed my mind that she could be after us? After the incident with her companion, James -i shiver just to think his name- it should have been obvious that she would want revenge. Hell, i would have wanted revenge.

 A part of me wants to tell Bella, to warn her about it, but Sam made me promise i wouldn't tell anyone and i could never betray his trust.

And it's not like Bella is talking to me yet. I don't think she actually leaves the house if it isn't for work and school. Hopefully, Victoria won't get to her. Sam promised me he would protect us, both of us. The least i could do is to respect his wishes. Right? I mentally send a pray for Bella to be careful and stay away from the woods. But, when have my prays ever been answered too.

 

 

                             * * *

 

_You love the way I look at you_  
_While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through_  
_You take away if I give in_  
_My life, my pride, is broken..._

I sing along as loud as can, to the Linkin Park song, Points of Authority, that is currently playing out of my computer speaker.

"You like to think you're never wrong."

  _You live what you've learned._  

"You have to act like you're someone."

_You live what you've learned._

"You want someone to hurt like you."

_You live what you've learned._

"You want to share what you've been through."

  _You live what you've learned._

That, only until i turn around and am suddenly face to face with, fucking Paul Lahote. "AAAAH! Jesus. What the fuck?"

His answer is a simple smirk, as if that was good enough explanation.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" I hold a hand on my chest as if that would make my heart stop beating so fast.

"Protecting you from the redhead. Sam's orders."

"Inside my house?"

"Well, now that you know, yes, why not? It's better than having to lurk outside." He say, as he makes himself confortable in the armchair close to the window.

"What about Bella?"

"Jared is there."

"Oh, well, thanks, that was nice of him, you too."

"Sam told us too." He reminds me once again, an annoyed look on his face.

"Why did you obey?"

"Alpha order."

"What?"

"Sam. Alpha. Order." He say each word slowly as if i was too stupid, and waited for me to follow.

"Oh." Oh. Sam. Alpha. Okay, i get it. It actually makes a lot of sense. Sam was the Alpha, the first to phase. The leader.

His face sets in a crooked smile and he gives me a look, that i only understand when i look down at myself and realise i am only wearing a big shirt that reached my thighs.

"Shit." I whisper, covering my bare legs with the blanket on top of my bed. "How did you get in my house anyway?"

"Window."

"I didn't gave you permission to."

"No, but since i am risking my life by trying to save yours, it is the least you could do."

He has a point. Well, damn it.

I get on my bed, bouncing a little bit, as i arrange myself between the covers. Then, i turn slightly to where he is sitted so i could see him clearly. "So...what's up?" I know i am really bad conversationalist but the awkward silence was driving insane.

He doesn't answer. Just stare at me, bored out of his mind. Well, that makes us two.

"Thanks again, for doing this. Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"Not really."

Hm, okay. He is as bad with small talk as i am. Great.

"So, you don't do anything besides patrol?"

"No."

I'm really having trouble at finding something to talk about now.

"And, your parents don't mind?"

"No." And this time i could see an annoyed look passing briefly on his eyes.

"Girlfriend?" I don't know why the fuck i asked but i did. And for a second he actually looked a little pleased for it.

"I don't date." His tone is a smug one and he looks really happy with himself for some reason.

"You made a vote of celibacy?"

This time he laughs. And it is a very atractive chuckle, the manly kind, that reverberates through his chest and and end in that cute crooked smile of his. "No, i enjoy pleasure very much, and i do have fun with girls once in awhile, but, like i said before, i don't date."

"Oh, so no girlfriend." I deadpan.

"No. No girlfriend."

"Cool."

The awkward silence starts again, and i try to look through my brain for something to talk about, anything, but he beats me to it. "What about you?"

"What? I don't have a boyfriend." I reply, confused.

"I know that. But you don't need a boyfriend to have fun with a guy."

"You mean casual sex?"

"Why not? You are legally an adult now. And completely free. With no parents to tell you what you can or not do."

"Huh. Okay. Right. Thanks for the tips."

"Just trying to help." He put both hands up in a mocking gesture, the smirk never leaving his face.

"We are having a nice talk and all but, there is something that i always wanted to know..." I wait for him to tell me to go on, then ask. "How did you guys knew i was dating, you know,  _him_?"

He hesitates for a moment, looking at me closely as if trying to read me. "His scent was all over you."

"What?" I'm surprised at hearing this, but i guess i shouldn't, not really, it makes a lot of sense, we were always together after all.

"Yeah. It's a way of say 'this girl is mine'."

"So, he deliberately put his scent on me?"

"Yeah. It's what we do. Mark our territory."

Huh, i am suddenly not so sure if i like that or not. "What are you, animals?"

"Yes. Pretty much."

I can't disagree with that. So, i just roll over and try to fall asleep. For some reason, this time, it doesn't take long to happen.

 

                              * * *

 

Warm skin. Hot lips. Hard chest and arms around me, holding me tight to a muscular body. I sighed a moan and felt lips at my neck, followed by a hot tongue licking from my shoulder to my collarbone. "Carlisle." I moaned, but when i opened my eyes it was not to see golden eyes. No. They were dark and intense. Full of want and desire.

Paul. Paul Lahote was sliding down my body, eyes never leaving mine, as he descend my torso until he found the spot he was looking for. He kisses me there. Oh god.

"Paul."

I wake up with my alarm clock ringing like mad. My eye-sight was foggy. And my body was hot and bothered. It takes me a few seconds to remember what i was dreaming about, but when i do, i sit up in the bed so quickly i almost fall over it, then turn to look at the armchair next to the window, where Paul was confortably sitting last night. Thankfully, the man in question was not there anymore, so i could freak out as much as wanted to without being interrupted.

Paul Lahote. PAUL LAHOTE? The fuck was that. I mean, i'm glad that for once i have not dreamed of Carlisle but Paul? Really? I don't even like him. He only talks to me to call me Leech Lover -yesterday being the only time he didn't- and it doesn't matter that he is absolutely sexy, he is an asshole, with a fame of being an womanizer -he said so himself, well, insinuate it- it doesn't matter that he has a six-pack that could rival Sam's, he is a jerk, it doesn't matter that he is constantly exuberating sex appeal, no, it does not matter at all that he has the most intense pair of eyes i've ever seen and...what was i saying, again?

ARGH. I do not like that brute. I do find him attractive it's true, but not the enough to like him. Not at all...

 Wait a second.

I didn't dream of Carlisle today. I didn't even drink last night, i fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, so why did i not saw him in my dreams? It was different this time. I dreamed of Paul, and his arms and mouth and hot skin. The completely opposite of Carlisle. And did I say Carlisle's name more then once, without my heart hurting? That's a real accomplishment. But, why Paul, why him? Maybe...

Paul Lahote. That's it. He is the perfect rebound. Handsome, single and completely not interested in starting a relationship.

  _Wait wait wait though. What makes you think he is into you?_

True. But, he also, kind of hinted i should do that last night, didn't he? Was he offering himself to be my friends with benefit? Without the being friends part of course.

Well, i'll never know if i don't ask.

And casual sex is great way to forget your ex. Or so i've heard.

  
Honestly, what could go wrong?

 

 

 

 


	13. Old friends, new friends

**Chapter 13: Old friends, new friends**

 

 

  
I hate wednesday. Actually, i hate any day that isn't sunday. My shift is over for the night and i can't wait to get back home. It's really annoying having to ride to Port Angeles and back everyday, but i have no choice so i do it. When i leave the restaurant, waving goodbye to my boss, i hear the ring indicating a new text messege.

_'Help.'_

It was from Bella.

Oh shit, is she in danger? Did Victoria found her? A million questions starts to show in my mind, but my thoughts are silenced when another messege comes.

  _'I'm in Port Angeles. I don't have a ride home.'_

What? What the fuck is she doing here, of all places? I text her asking for the adress and then leave immediately to go get her. What a stupid girl, honestly, is 11pm what is she doing out at this our?

I found Bella, easily, she is standing in front of the movie theater, looking pale and zombie-like. When, she sees me, she looks grateful, but there is still alot of sadness in her eyes.

"Hey." She murmur, looking shy all of sudden.

"What are you doing here?" I demand, not really feeling in the mood for her bullshit behavior.

"I was watching a movie with Jessica." Her tone doesn't change and she gives me a shy look, as if afraid of my reaction to that statement.

  _Huh. So with Jessica you can do to the movies, but you can't even answer my messeges. Cool._  That's what i felt like saying, but in the end i just told her to get on the bike and gave her my helmet, because i only had one.

"Hold on tight." She did, and we drive away. As we leave town and get closer to home, i hear her whisper ' _thank you_ ' in my ear, but i don't answer. I am too upset with her in the moment to say anything close to polite.

Well, at least she left her shell. For a few hours. That is already a big accomplishment.

We stay silent until i park in front of Bella's house. The noise of the motorbike is loud enough to make Charlie look through the window, he gives me a little wave when he sees me.

"Why did Jessica left you alone there?" I ask, using my harsh tone. She doesn't even wince.

"I might...have...freak her out, or something like that."

"What do you mean? What did you do?" I am as confused as i was when i got the text from her.

"I went to talk with a guy..."

"You? Talking with a guy? Who are you and what have you done to Bella?" I now look scandalized. She doesn't even crack a smile.

"He had a motorcycle. And i thought it could be fun, to ride...with him. For a bit."

Am i really listening to this? This girl is out of her mind. She is mental.

"A completely stranger?" She nods and i add. "That explains everything. Jessica shouldn't have left you there alone though."

"Well, thanks, Cass, for coming to save me." She does look grateful, but then she frowns and add. "You got there really fast."

"That's because i work in Port Angeles. Something you would have know if you payed one second of attencion on what is going on around you." I couldn't help but to sound angry. This time, at least, she did look ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Cass." She does sound apologetic, but makes no move to change or explain what is going on in her head.

I know i should be a more supportive friend, and demand her to let me in again, but i know Bella enough to know that if i pressure her it would be even worse. So i just say goodbye, grab my helmet from her hands, and go away.

There is nothing to be said between us anymore. Not now at least, not while she is still not opening up to me.

  
When i get home, i am surprised to see the lights on, honestly i don't remember leaving it that way. I go up the stairs to my room, and almost jump back when i see a person sitting confortably in my bed. Oh, yeah, it was him. My new _friend_.

"Paul." I groan his name, as if just seeing him made my day worse. "What are you doing here again?"

"You know what, Leech Lover."

"Stop fucking calling me that!" I scream. I couldn't help it, i was so annoyed, not only with him but with Bella too.

I guess he realised that because he asked. "What's the problem?"

"What is not the problem, would be an easier question to answer. My whole life is what's the problem." I throw my bag on the floor, and start kicking my shoes off. "My mom left, my boyfriend left, my best friend is not talking to me, my other best friend is a werewolf, and let's not forget the vindictive vampire trying to kill me." By the end of my speech i was so tired i just jumped down on my bed.

He doesn't move a muscle for a few seconds, then as calm as possible he says. "We are not werewolves."

I answer by throwing a pillow on his face. He catches before it actually hits him but it makes me feel a little bit better anyway. "You're really annoying." I complain.

  
"The feeling is mutual." The smirk never leaving his face. "What took you so long anyway? You normally get home before midnight."

"Oh. Yeah, it was Bella. She needed me." I sigh, as a get confortable in my bed. "She was in Port Angeles."

"Alone?"

"Yes. The idiot." I wiggle out of my jeans, as i struggle to keep the blanket over and covering me. His eyes accompanies me attentively.

He doesn't say anything more and netheir do I. Since i was kind of smelling like food i get up, with my blanket covering my body, and go to take a shower. The hot water feels so amazing after a hard day of work, all i can do is moan and enjoy it. When i am done i go back to my room.

"Still here?" I complain, trying not to blush as i feel his eyes going up and down on my almost naked body. Suddenly i felt as if my towel was really small.

"Do you want me to leave?" He ask.

"Could you just, hm, close your eyes?"

"Sure."

He does, and i immediately put on my panties and bra, letting the towel fall to my feet as i look through my wardrobe for a pajamas to sleep on. When i am done putting on my PJs, i sit down on my bed and put on some high knee socks.

"You can look now." I say, and he immediately obey, opening his eyes and watching me closely.

I don't know what possess me to say it, but i am suddenly curious about what he meant last time and i decide to ask him about it. "So, about that thing you said last time, what did meant exactly?"

"What thing?" He ask, but there is no confusion on his face, he knew exactly what i was talking about, he just wanted me to say it out loud.

"You know what. The thing. About, hm, being an adult and doing what i wanted to." I kind of struggle to form an simple answer, and i can feel a blush rising in my cheeks.

"You mean the sex part." He blatantly reply, that sexy smile of his intact on his lips.

"Hm..yeah,hm. What...what did you meant?" I splurt, blushing madly by now. God, why did i decide to ask him that? It was such a bad idea.

He leans on towards me, looking me in the eyes intensely, he waits a second before of answering. "I meant...you should get laid."

I freeze, my eyes don't leave his as i open and close my mouth like a fish out of water, trying to say something, but failing miserably.

He doesn't say anything else either, but he keeps on smiling at me, as if finding my expression very amusing. He is much more handsome up close, and it takes my breath away for a second. I can't stop looking at his lips and as if he could read my mind, he leans on even more, and presses his lips to mine.

It's hard, and warm. His skin is so, so hot. I don't hold back, moaning and letting him press me further to the bed, pinning me effortlessly. He growled deep in his throat, and i open my mouth to let his tongue slide in to meet mine.

He takes the lead, making me gladly submit to his ministrations. I wrap my arms around his neck, and let myself forget about anything else that existed outside of my room.

There was just us in the world right now. Nothing else matter. Just the feel of his skin on mine.

 

 

 

 


	14. Not Friends

**Chapter 14: Not Friends**

 

 

  
The sun was starting to show throught the curtains of my window, that's how i knew it was already morning. I had stayed all night long awake, not being able to stop the million thoughts going on in my mind. Paul falled asleep right after we were done, and has not woke up since. I couldn't sleep though, so i spended most of my time, thinking and re-thinking this through.

"You're thinking hard." Paul's voice startles me, and i turn around to met his sleepy eyes. His naked chest was glistening with sweat, even though it was a little bit chilly and the blanket was only covering his legs.

"Yeah. I do that alot." I sigh, suddenly feeling self conscious and pulling the blanket more tightly to my chest.

"Then don't."

Next thing he does is pressing me more closely to his hard body, he watches me intantly, then leans on and give one small kiss on the lips. "Don't think. Just feel."

I take a deep breath, and surrender once again. Closing my eyes, as i let him take the lead and cover my body with his, pressing me more tightly to the mattress. The feel of his hot skin on mine was such a difference from what i was used to, but it was not a bad feeling, not at all.

 _Cassidy, love._ I heard Carlisle's voice, a whisper in my head. But, this time though, i was too busy to care.

 

                             * * *

  
"Sorry. My eggs taste awful. I'm not really good at cooking. That's why i survive mainly of sandwiches."

"It's fine." Paul say, and for the first time he gives me a sincere looking smile.

We have been talking for some time now, ever since we moved to the kitchen for breakfast. Well, i've been talking, he is just politely answering my random questions, because the atmosphere was getting awkward again and that's what i do when i am nervous, i babble.

"Really, just swallow, don't even try to taste it...this sounded really unappropriaded. Please, forget i just said that."

He just laughs. His been having a lot of fun, watching me get redder and babbling like mad. I seat down and I got an empty bowl and the box of cereal and the milk and I fixed myself a more pleasant breakfast.

"You want?" I offer.

"No. I'm good. Thanks."

The awkward silence was starting to begin again, and with Paul watching me so intensely didn't really helped my anxious self. I look through my brain for something to talk about, anything, but all i got are weird questions like 'do you like music?', which is a dumb question so i ignore it, honestly, who doesn't like music?

"Which Hogwarts house would you be sorted into?" _Oh my god. Did i really just asked him that. Please god kill me now._

I wait for him to laugh and joke about my great conversationalist skill, but he surprises me when he simply answer. "Gryffindor."

"You like Harry Potter?" I ask and i can't hide the surprise from my face.

"Who doesn't like Harry Potter?"

  _Good point._

"I would give you a Slytherin." I say, nonchalantly.

"Should i be offended?"

"Not all Slytherins are evil. But, i guess you would fit well in Gryffindor too. You could be considered brave."

"Well, thank you." I reply, sarcasm dripping from his mouth. "What about yourself?"

"Hufflepuff, of course." I answer, as if it was completely obvious. _Duh_.

"Why?"

"Loyalty and hard work, what else?"

"I suppose you could fit there too. But, you are also really brave, Cass."

"Did you just say my name?" I can't hold back a smile but i can hold it to a a small one.

"Well, your not a Leech lover anymore." He finishes the frase with a wink and rise from the chair, turning around to leave. "I will keep that nickname to your pale friend only."

"Bella would love it." I say, feigning agreement.  
  
"You know, if you are as loyal as you said you are, shouldn't you be with her now?" His tone wasn't patronizing, but it upsets me anyway.

"She is closed off to me. To everyone. What am i supposed to do? I have my own demons to take care of it too. And, Bella...she, she is not letting me in..."

"But did you try?"

"Of course i did." I say, a little offended.

"But you stopped."

"Excuse me?"  
  
"You stopped trying. And that is not what best friends do."

He leaves the house with a wave and a 'i'm coming back later', but my head is too busy thinking about what he said to actually answer him.

Is he right? Did i completely failed as a friend? Bella needed me, now more than ever, and where was i? Getting drunk in my couch. She has been closed off to me, yes, but should i have tryed harder? Should i have insisted, should i have gone there everyday, until she finally open up to me? Am i a really bad friend for not trying harder?

Maybe. Maybe i was so lost in my own misery, that i neglected Bella's too. She must be hurting like hell, i know, i am too, but i have Sam, and now, Paul and Jared too i suppose. Who does she have? No one. Because, Paul was right, and i was too lazy to try harder for my friend. Maybe, all Bella needed was not someone to talk to, but someone just to _be there_. Someone to seat down by her side, and look through that window with her, and wait until she was whole again, with her. Until, she was finally able to be her old self again.

By the end of my epiphany, i already have my jacket and keys in my hand, and i am ready to go to Bella's house.

Because Paul is right. I should have tryed harder.

 

                               * * *

 

I park my bike in front of the Black's house. I was told by Charlie that Bella was there spending the day with Jacob. Imagine my surprise when i heard that. It only made me believe in what Paul said even more. She needed a friend. And now she found one. I thought about turning around and going home, but Charlie asked me not to. He said and i quote 'She needs her both friends now'. I took my bike and went to La Push a second later.

Now that i was there, though, i was a nervous mess.

What if they are having fun and i crash the party? What if they don't want to be bothered? What if Bella does not want me there? What if... my daydream stops immediately when i her talking and some noises coming from the garage beside the small house.

I follow the sound of voices slowly and hesitantly, not sure if i should just walk in or knock. I bring my hand up to push the door, but the winds blows through me and opens the door noisely, making everyone inside froze and look at me curiously.

There was 4 people there. Two more than i was expecting. I almost bolt to my bike, but my eyes find Bella's and i can see a mix of emotions cross her face. Sadness, relief, guilty, hurt, but there was a small part that fulls me with warmt and a little bit of hope. Care. She still cared for me, deeply, and I for her. At that moment, i knew we would be okay.

"Charlie said you were here." I say, as an explanation to my intrusion.

"Yeah, Jake and i are fixing two motorcycles." She answer. The other three boys in the room are still looking at us intantly, as if they could feel the tension in the air.

"Well, Charlie forgot to mension that part." I say, cheekly. From knowing what her father thought of bikes -having to hear lots of lecture from him during the years- i was completely sure, that Charlie had no idea what those two were up to.

Bella doesn't say anything for a second, but she does blush a little bit. And then, as if remembering there was still more people in the room, she turn her attention back to the boys and introduce me to them. "Guys, this is my friend Cassidy."

"Cass, this are, Embry." She points to the taller boy, that had an easy going and polite smile, but with muscles that could rival Sam, i realise instantly that this Embry guy is almost ready to phase and that thought upsets me for a while. Then she points to the other more short one. "This is Quil, and Jake you already know."

"Sup." I say, my normal informal greeting falling from my lips quickly.

"Hello." Say, the shortest one, Quil was his name. He had an gallant smile and an ladies-man-wannabe aura around him. He kissed my hand instead of shaking it.

Embry was more polite though, and he looked apologetic for his friend when we greetted each other. Jake was his normal cute self, but a much more muscular cute self. The guy was growing just fine. I mean, all of them were, but Jake was the biggest. If he keeps on growing like this he will beat Sam in a year.

"Can we talk for a second?" I ask Bella and she nods, following me outside to a more private place. We go a few meters away from thw garage's door and i turn back to face Bella.

There is an awkward silence there for a few seconds, while i try to arrange my thoughts in my head. When we speak, though, we end up doing it together.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry, Cass."

Then we laugh. Because, both of us were probably going through the same questions and worries inside our heads, and we couldn't help it, i guess. We were best friends since i can remember. Even leaving distantly from each other, we never had a fight or a break in our friendship, we have always been united. It felt amazing to be able to just laugh with her again.

I take one step closer and Bella closes the space between us, we collide, hard, chest to chest and wrap our arms around each other so tightly, it almost hurts. But it doesn't, no it feels great. It feels like home.

 

                            * * *

 

"Thanks for telling me that, earlier." I say.

Paul and i were currently on my bed, our bodies completely tired out from the last hour of activities. His chest was sweaty and i was passing my index finger through the little drops, absentmindedly, as we lay, cuddling, on my tiny little bed.

"Sure." He say, nonchalantly and a little restless.

"No, really. I don't think anyone would have told me that. Not a friend, i mean. Not the way you say it."

"Well, we are not really _friends_  are we?" He ask, the famous Paul-smirk showing itself on his very kissable lips.

"If we are not friends, then what are we? Just benefits?"

He turns to look at me then, so intensely, and in that second i am sure that whatever he is going to say, is going to be truthful and reasonable. And that i am going to remember it for the rest of my life.

"We are not friends, Cassidy. We are allies."

 

 


	15. Hope

**Chapter 15: Hope**

 

 

At school on monday, i stayed outside -for the first time in months- waiting for Bella. She looked surprised, but relieved, at seen me. We greeted each other as if nothing had changed all those months ago.

In the lunchroom, later that day, Bella actually participated in the conversation. It was a shock for our other friends, the majority looked glad that she was finally opening up again, all but that bitch, Lauren, and apparently, Jessica too, she sounded really pissed when Bella told the group that they had gone out to see a movie a few days ago.

When we were leaving to go to class, i end up listening to Lauren's bitching about it. "Oh, great. It looks like Bella is back." She did not sounds happy about that, at all. And by the look on my friends face, i can see that she had heard it too.

On my way out, i intentionally bump forcefully into Lauren, making all of her books fall loudly on the floor. "Ops. My bad." I say, but i don't sound sorry at all. And i don't stop to help her, i just pass by, pulling Bella with me by her sleeve.

"Thanks." Bella murmurs quietly by my side. Behind me i hear Lauren calling me a bitch but i don't pay attencion to it.

"Don't mention it." We part ways a minute later to go to our different classes. The rest of the day goes on without a hitch.

 

                              * * *

 

"I had a feeling you would be here."

I don't jump or get scared anymore at Sam's usual silent appearances. I just keep calm and watch the La Push sea, while i take another swig of my beer. "Where else would i be in a sunday morning?"

Sam takes a seat by my side and tries to make a serious-thinking face. "Hm, i don't know, maybe with Paul?" And by the way he said Paul's name, i knew exactly what he was insinuating.

"He told you about that?" I ask nonchalantly.

"He didn't have to." He frowns, as if remembering something bad.

"Oh, did you _smell_  him on me too?" I ask, and this time i am the one grimacing.

"No." He laughs a little, then add. "I saw it in his mind."

"Oh, right. You're superhuman power thing. Reading each others minds. Cool. A little bit _Edward_  but cool."

"What do you mean, _Edward_?"

"Edward is a telepath. You didn't know?"

"Huh, no." He looks very confused right now. "They can do that?"

"Oh, yeah. They can do much more than just sucking blood with they teeths." I sway my beer bottle from left to right a little bit and some of the contents fall on the sand.

"Are you drunk?" He sounds worried, or pissed, or both, am not sure.

"When am i not?"

"Where do you even get this shit? Your a minor." Yep. He is pissed.

"From a friend."

"What kind of friend?" He gives me a dubious look.

"Ouch, Sam. It's not just because i sleept with your friend, that i go around doing it with random guys..."

"That's not what i meant, and you know it."

"...and even if i did it, you don't have the right to ask me about it."

"Who buy this shit to you?"

"A friend from work. He is nice enough." I make a salute with my beer bottle and take another gulp.

"You're hopeless." Sam adds, jokingly and with a little smirk on his face. But, to me that statement sound nothing more than the very right truth.

  _Hopeless is my middle name._

 

                             * * *

 

"So you and Jake are just fixing the bikes?"

"What else would it be?" Bella gives me a small not-so-sincere smile, but i give her points for trying.

"Come on, you know he likes you."

"Jake is...amazing, but...he is too young for me."

"Since when do you care about age?" I joke but she grimaces and i change subject, not wanting her to close herself of again. "Why the bikes? Why so suddenly?"

The grimace doesn't leave her face, but she answers anyway. "The adrenaline...it makes me feel...better, somehow."

I open my mouth to say something, or chastise her maybe, but i close it immediately when i realise that to her, the adrenaline, is what to me, is the drinking. Well, then i don't really have the right to say anything to her. Not about that anyway.

"Should we see a movie?" I change the subject so suddenly that it makes Bella a little confused, but she nodds along anyway.

"Sure."

The rest of the day goes on, spended in an awkward silence, but without a hitch. It's not how it used to be with us, but at least we are together again. And, anyway, it won't be like this forever. We will loose this awkward vibe we developed around each other, sooner rather then later. Right?

  _Hopeless..._  the little voice whisper in my head.

Fuck off. I almost say it out loud, but hold back at the last minute. Bella and I will be normal friends once again, you just wait and see.

Because, i won't give up this time.

 

                                * * *

 

"So, she wasn't been around ever since that day?" I ask, somewhat confused with it.

"Yes. Not ever since that day she saw you." Paul answer. He looked just fine, laying down there on my bed, actually he looked just fine anywhere in anyway possible.

"But, you don't think she gave up do you?" I bite my lip worriedly.

"No. She will be back. Sooner or later."

"Yeah. That's what i'm worried about."

"Don't be. We will protect you." He say, a little bit to self-confident, may i add.

"And who will protect you?" I wonder out loud.

"Have more confidence in us please." He say, annoyed. "We can kill a leech just fine."

"But you never had before, how can you be so sure?"

"Because it is in my nature. It's what i am here for."

"And what am i suppose to do? I feel so useless."

"You are."

"Thanks."

"In a fight i mean."

"Thanks a lot." I deadpan.

He laughs a little, and i slap him playfully in the chest, not being able to hold back the giggles that escape from my lips. "Seriously though, don't worry about it."

"Easy for you to say, i'm not an werewolf."

"We are not..."

He doesn't finish because there is suddenly an loud howl coming from my backyard. Paul does not even hesitate, he gets up and pulls his pants up in less than 10 seconds.

"What's going on? Is it Victoria?" I ask, worriedly.

"No. Someone just phased for the first time." He say, his face a mask of indifference.

"Jacob?" I ask, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest. _He is so young._

"I don't know. Maybe." He pulls me closer by the feet and gives me a small kiss as a goodbye. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." I say, but i don't think he heard it, he was already out of the room by then.

One more. One more young guy phased. That was not a good sign. It meant there was something bad coming to Forks. Victoria might not be trying to get here right now, but she will soon enough. What scares me it's that, even with the pack growing, it might not be good enough to stop her in the future.

  _Hopeless..._

No. It will work. She will die. They will protect us. I believe in them. I have to, the pack is our only hope. Victoria will die. Sam will see to it.

I have hope. I do. In them, i do. Just not in myself.

 

 

 

 


	16. Pack

**Chapter 16: Pack**

 

  
Embry Call. Embry was the one that phased. On the following days that week, i didn't see Sam or Paul. They were probably busy explaning things to poor Embry.

Bella and I spended some time together, but it was still a little bit awkward. Charlie seemed happier though, that his daughter is interacting more with the outside world.

Next sunday morning, Bella went to Jacob's house, and since i didn't like to intrude on they alone time, i went to the First Beach with my beer like every other sunday.

I was though, very surprised at meeting Jared there.

"Hm...hi." I say, hesitantly, afraid he was there with some kind of bad news.

"Hey." His smile is bright and cheery, which allows me to calm down a little bit.  
  
"What are doing here?"

"This is my home, i should be the one asking you that." He playfully reply.

"Fair enough." I take a seat in the sand and he does the same. "How is Embry?"

"He is dealing well. Better than the rest of us."

"I'm sorry" I sigh, feeling suddenly exhausted. "I know it's a heritage thing, but, things wouldn't be like this right now if she wasn't around, and she wouldn't be trying to get here if it wasn't for me...for us. This problem is mine, and Bella's, you really didn't needed to get involved...but, I, i really appreciate it. Thank you."

Jared doesn't say anything for a few seconds, probably trying to absorb everything i just said. "I believe, there is a reason for everything, and that sometimes, things just get picked up for you. But, it is always, your choice, to do something about it. I didn't chose to be a shape-shifter, but i did choose to protect you, Cassidy. And all the other people that can't protect themselfs."

Jared's eyes are so kind, and his voice sounds nothing but sincere, it leaves me speechless for a long time.

  _Fate is what you are given. Destiny is what you make of it._  I read that quote somewhere before. Only now have I really understood it.

"Thanks, Jared."

"Don't mention it." He say, sincerely, then gives me an easy going smile, and adds. "We will get her, Cass. Don't worry about it."

And for the first time since all this mess begin, I believe him.

 

 

                            * * *

 

 

"Hey." Paul shows up out of nowhere inside my kitchen, but i am so used to it that i don't even flinch anymore.

"You hungry? I'm cooking." I say, not turning from the stove to look at him.

"You don't know how to cook." He reply, matter of factly.

"Fucker." I hiss. Then i hear a little laugh, that does not belong to Paul and i turn around immediately.  
  
Embry, was standing by my kitchen door, looking amused but a little shy too. He, like Paul, was also shirtless.

"Hi."

"Hello." I say, awkwardly.

"He is going to make you company tonight. I'm on patrol until early morning." Paul say as an explanation.  
  
"Okay. Sit down, food will be ready in a moment."

I turn back around to check on my food, and send a silent thanks to god that is still looking edible. It only takes more ten minutes for the food to properly cook, than i turn the stove off and start to put the plates and cutlery on the table.

Creamy potato salad with bacon, and meatloaf, was my dad's specialty, and it was the first time i was making it. To say i was afraid of being horrible was an understatement.

I watch attentively as the boys dig in, and by the incredulous look on Paul's face, i can be sure that it taste good. I sigh, relieved, and sit down with them to eat a bit.

"Wow. Never thought i would see the day you would learn how to cook." Paul say, with his mouth full of food.

"Shut up." I complain, but can hold back the happy moan when i taste the delicious food i just made. _Wow, indeed._

"It is really good, Cass." Embry reply, politely as always of course. I give him a thankful smile before of starting eating again.

  
Later on, Paul leaves for patrol, and i go to the living room to put on a movie so Embry and I wouldn't go back to the awkward silence. We watch an old horror movie from my dad's dvd collection, he had some really good ones.

"So, the Cullen's are real vampires, huh?" Embry breaks the silence.

"Yeah." I answer, not really knowing what else to say.

"That's...creepy." He sounds so sincere, that for a moment it is actually kind of cute. I couldn't hold back the laughter at seen his serious face. After a moment of hesitancy, he laughs a little too, breaking the awkward silence for sure now. "How are they? I mean, the vampires. How do they look like?"

"Well, the good ones or the bad ones?" I ask, stretching my legs and getting more comfortable in my couch.

"There is a difference?"

"Well..." I think about the last few months, but in the end decide against mentioning that. "Yeah. Sort of."

"The Cullen's. How are they?"

"They are...different, yes, but, they try, you know, they try to act _human_."

"Why is that?" He does sound rather curious about it.

"Because, they want to be...normal, i guess. As normal as possible. Human, like a said."

"And the bad ones?"

I shiver, involuntarily, just from the memory of James. "They just want blood. All the fucking time."

"You met one, right? The redhead's mate." He ask, awed.

"Yeah." I whisper.

"How was it?"

"My worse nightmare."

  
With the mood dropped, we decide to sleep for the night. I give some blankets to Embry and he snuggles in my couch. Then, i go upstairs to my room and lay on my small, but cozy, bed. It is the fifth time in the last few days that i had to sleep by myself and i was quite sad about it. The urge to have a drink was growing by the second, but i didn't want to go back downstairs and bother Embry while i try to look for something in my dad's cellar.

With nothing else to do, i decide to spend my time, remembering all of the things Paul and I did last time -he is a very skilled man. Thinking about my buddy Paul was the best way of _not_  thinking of You-know-who, and it always lifted my mood.

It doesn't take long for me to fall in a deep relaxed sleep.

 

  
                               * * *

 

  
"So, nothing yet?"

"Nothing." Sam answer, as we walk down the road next to his house.

"Is that a good thing?" I can't hold back the frown from my face.

"For now."

"She is planing something, Sam. Something big. I can feel it."

"I know, i can too. But, there is nothing we can do now, Cass."

"I know that..."

A howl. I freeze in my spot, when we hear an approaching loud howl.

This time i didn't need to ask, i new just by looking at Sam's face expression exactly what that howl meant.

Someone new just phased.

 

 

 


	17. Visitor

**Chapter 17: Visitor**

 

  
"I just don't understand! Why can't he talk to me?"

Jacob Black phased last week. And, unlike Embry, he was very pissed about it. Sam ordered him to stay away from people as much as possible. Hence, the reason why he was ignoring Bella.

"Just...give him a few days, Bella."

"A few days for what?"

"To clear his head." I whisper, not really knowing what else to say.

"What? He is sick, Cassidy, not tired. I mean, i think so...i know he is busy with something, everyone is saying he is sick but i just...i don't know why, i just feel like they are all lying to me..."

I stay quiet because i knew she was right and i didn't wanted her to realise that.

"...well, i just wanted to hear his voice." She add, a silent whisper of sadness. It breaks my heart to see my friend so sad, but there was nothing i could do about it. Sam ordered Jake to stay away, and also ordered me to not say anything.

"Can you just forget about Jake for a few days? Just, maybe, until next week. I am sure he will be alright by then."

"Well, i guess so..."

"Great!" I almost yell, excited to change the subject. "How about we forget about _boys_ for one day, and go do something just the two of us? Hm? Like old times." My eyes are probably pleading for her consent, because she looks at me as if it was physically impossible to say no.

"Alright." She agrees. "It could be fun." She adds, not really looking excited at all.

"Thanks." I reply, nonchantly.

"No. Really. Thanks, Cass." She takes a seat at the bottom of her bed, next to me. "Actually, there is a place that i want to go again."

"Where?"

"The clearing."

 

  
                              * * *

 

  
"This is a bad idea." I repeat for the fourth time.

"Chill out, Cass. We are not going to get lost." Bella complains, not stopping to look at me. She is currently walking a few steps in front of me, following an imaginary trail that only she knows of.

"No. We are going to get eaten by a bear."

"You don't actually believe in the stories that people from town are telling, right? Bears eating people? Unlikely."

"You can't know that." I say, but voice lacks of truthfulness. "It's just...you know, that weird feeling i have in my chest once in awhile?"

"You mean, your ' _sixth sense_ '?"

"Yeah..."

"What about it?"

"I'm kind of...feeling it _now_."

Bella stops immediately, looking back at me with her eyes wide open. Behind her, i can see a bright sun light coming between the trees. It was probably the famous _clearing_ she has told me about it, so i point a finger at it and Bella's attention shift back to the trail in front of her.

"That's it. We found it."

She runs. As fast as _KlutzBella_  can without falling on her face. I follow her closely, running until i feel the hear of sun on my face.

The place was beautiful. The woods were full of life, I never saw another clearing so symmetrical. It did not have all those flowers that Bella had told me about, but even then it was still beautiful. Really amazing. It takes my breath away. Or that was probably the running that did it, but whatever, i had a little trouble breathing normaly and when i looked at my friends face, i could see quite clearly that she was mesmerised too.

"Wow."

"Yeah." Her whisper is barely heard, and i watch her closely, afraid that she would break at any second. "It's nice, but it doesn't look like the last time i saw it." There was a little bit of disappointment in her expression, even though she tryed really hard to hide it.

The air around us shift suddenly. Bella and i look at each other as if to confirm we were both feeling the same tension in the air. We turn around slowly at the same time, behind us, at the other side of the clearing, was a person. Well, not a person, i realise quite suddenly.   
  
"Laurent." Bella exclaim, a surprised but pleased look on her face.

I, on the other hand, was terrified. There was only one reason why he could be there. "Victoria." I whisper, not loud enough for Bella to hear it, but Laurent did. And he gave me a little smile for it.

He looked exactly the same, especially the eyes, i realise. They were the same vivid red from a year ago. _He is still hunting humans._

"Bella...and Cassidy." He smiles at us, happily, as if meeting old friends from the past.

"You remember." Bella was looking delighted. It was quite riddiculous and i gave her a pinch in the arm to make her see reason. She ignored me completely.

"I am surprised at seen you two here...alone." The malicious smile has yet to leave his face.

  _Please, please Sam, be around, come on, come save us..._

"Where else would us be? We leave here. I thought you were in alaska." The idiot was still talking to him, as if seen an vampire in the middle of the forest was a normal ocurrence.

In a second he was closer. Just a few steps away from us. I couldn't hold back a flinch when he appeared right in front of me. He noticed, the bastard.

"I went to Alaska." He said, nonchalantly. "I came back for a visit. When i found the Cullen's house empty, i thought they had moved out."

  _Shit_.

"Oh." Bella's easy going smile slowly disappeared when she finally realised that we were alone and unprotected with a blood-sucking vampire. "They did."

I was still silent. My heart was beating like mad and i keep praying for Sam to show up.

"Hmmm. I am surprised they left you two behind."

"Right." Her voice was a little more frightned now.

"Do they visit often?"

"Yes." She said after a second of hesitation.

"Really? It didn't look like there had been anyone at the house lately."

  _Shit, shit, shit..._

"I will tell Carlisle you dropped by." I glare at her for mentioning his name and she gives me an apologetic look. "He will be sad that he couldn't see you."

Laurent gives me a long look as if trying to understand why i haven't said anything so far.

"Why did you left Alaska? I thought you were doing well there with Irina and the rest of the Denali coven." Bella says, probably trying to change the mood.

"I am. But it gets hard, living like them. Sometimes, i cheat." He looks at me when he says the latter.

"Jasper has difficulty with that too."

"Does he?"

"No." I say. I don't know why i felt the need to defend him, but i did it without hesitation. "It's just harder for him because he is an empath."

Laurent stares at me for a long time and i met his eyes head on. I was afraid of him, of course, but i still hate the guy and i was not going to beg for my life. I was too furious for that.

"What about Victoria?" Bella ask, and Laurent gives her a smile.

"Oh, my dear friend, Victoria. Actually, i came here as favor to her."

"Of course you did." I accuse.

"What do you mean?" Bella ask, her naivety sometimes amazes me.

"Well, she wanted me to find out if the Cullen's where still protecting you. She will be disapppointed with this though."

"Why?"

"Victoria wants to kill you herself, but i just can't really control my hunger right now."

As Bella and Laurent discuss what it's coming in the future, i stop listening to them as my attention drift to the shaking of trees coming from the left. It was like something was moving there, and i only realise what i was actually seeing when i spot a pair of bright enormous eyes staring at me.

"...I on the other hand, will kill you both fast, you won't even feel it." Laurent finishes, looking pleased with himself.

My shoulders drop, relieved at seen the familiar eyes staring at us from the woods. I turn around and look straight into Laurent's eyes, a smirk forming on my face. "Do you believe in the after life?" I ask him, and he looks quite confused at my sudden question. I don't know why he has not yet realised that he was being surrounded, probably because he must never had an encounter with a shape-shifter before.

"Yes, actually. I like to believe there is more after we are _actually_ dead. Why?"

"Because you are going to find out pretty soon." The end of my speech is the sign for the pack to make themselfs leave they hiding place.

The look on Laurent's face when he realised what was going on was priceless. Bella, though, well, she looked pale and about to faint. The wolves howl as they circle us, and Laurent doesn't hesitate in taking off in a run. The pack follows, with Paul in the lead, he was the fastest, Sam gives me a brief look, then disappear after him, Jared and Embry following him closely. Jacob, the brown-almost-orange wolf is the last to leave, he looks at Bella worriedly before of following his packmates.

When Bella and i are left there standing alone in the clearing, I grab her arm and pull her closer to me, making her look into my eyes. She was terrified, i could see. "Bella, run." This time, finally, she obey me without hesitation.

She run as fast as she can, not looking back, probably thinking that i would be right after her. I couldn't, though, i had to see Laurent die with my own eyes. I turn around and follow the same path the pack went through. I run as fast as can, and it take me a few minutes to find them.

I stop imediately when i see the state the vampire was in. Laurent was in the floor, his right arm had been ripped out, and his left leg was in an odd looking angle. Sam was right on top off him, the other ones around.

"Well, well, look how the mighty have falled." I smile in triumph. Sam shot me a warning look and i bit my lip to hold back the smirk.

"Cassidy, i thought we were friends..." He tries to say, but stops immediately when Sam bites his shoulder.

I quickly take my backpack from my shoulders and grab my lighter from the front pocket. When the vampire sees it, he tries to escape, but Sam holds him down, and Paul growls loudly, coming to stand by my side, just in case.

"Victoria will kill you. She will kill you all. She is a powerful woman, and she will find a way of killing all of you." He yell. Sam shuts him up by putting his fangs on his neck, one snap of his jaw and the vampires head will be off.

Laurents eyes looks haunted and he looks around as if waiting for a divine intervention. I get down, on one knee and stare at his eyes closely, not wanting to miss anything from the moment Sam kills him.

"If you see James in the after life, send him my regards."

Sam's jaw closes around the neck, and the vampire's head falls loudly on the forest floor. I watch it happen without bating an eye. There is no blood, it is not a very graphic scene, the way his body is made, it almost looks like he is a big doll, but, made of ice instead of plastic.

I turn the flame on and throw the lighter in the dead body with no hesitation. It amazes me at how easy it burns. The flames look beautiful to me, as if they were dancing on top of the vampire's body. I don't stop looking until i am sure he is very much dead and there is no way he will comeback.

Sam tells something to the pack because they disperse, each one going they separated ways. Paul is the last one to leave, but he does in the end, giving me a caress on the arm with his snout. Then, Sam and i are left alone.

"I'm sorry. I know we shouldn't have been in the woods." I say, biting my lip nervously.

Sam huffs and comes closer to me, i nuzzle his neck fur and he growls lightly as if to tell to stop but i don't care, so i keep caressing him. He nips my hand to call my attencion and makes a moviment with his head as if telling me to get on him.

"What? You want me to ride on you?"

He does the same moviment again, and i take that as an yes, so i mount him in one swift motion. "Ohhh. God, don't move." I grab the fur around his neck tightly, arranging myself so wouldn't fall on my face. "Okay. You can go now."

Sam snorts and looks at me with the corner of his eye. I feel like he is telling me to hold tightly and do just that. He takes off in a run, so fast, that i can't hold back a little scream of fright.

Riding Sam was probably like riding a horse, but with no saddle, and he is probably faster too. It was almost like when You-know-who took me on his back, the nauseating feeling at the tip of my stomach and the hard wind on my face was the same. But, Sam was much different. The completely opposite actually, he is warm and furry, not cold and hard, and he runs with four paws not two legs.

"Where are we going?" I ask, almost yell, i wasn't sure if he could hear me in this speed. But, of course, he could he is a fucking werewolf. As if on cue, we stop, right behind Bella's house.

I dismount Sam and he leaves quickly, not wanting to be seen by Bella or her father. I run to her backdoor and enter without knocking. I find Charlie in the living room, watching a game and he tells me to go up to Bella's room. I do just that, finding my friend in her bed, looking at the absolutely nothing with a frightened look on her face, her eyes looks haunted. She was shivering. She was afraid.

"Hey." I whisper, not wanting to scare her.

She looks up completely shocked at seen me, mouth open and eyes wild. "Where were you?" She yell before of throwing herself into me, squeezing me tightly in her embrace.  
  
It takes me a full minute to realise she was worried because she thought something had happened to me. _Oh poor Bella._

"Sorry. In the middle of that confusion, i got lost." I lie, hugging her back and caressing her back slightly.

"Oh my god, Cass. I was so afraid. I thought he had killed you."

"Don't worry about him."

"How? He must have killed the wolves by now. He must have already gone to tell Victoria that we are here, unprotected."

"We are not."

"What?"

  _Unprotected_. "Alone. We have each other."

"That's not really enough in a fight against a vampire." She laughs a little, and leaves the embrace, looking at me closely in the eyes.

"Really, Bella. Don't worry about it. If Laurent was still alive, we would already be dead by now."

She didn't look convinced but she did nod as if only to please me. "But, Victoria isn't it."

"No, she is not. But, she won't come now. I'm sure of it."

"How can you be sure?"

"My sixth sense remember?"

"Oh, right, your mutant powers." She laughs a little harder this time, and i punch her in the arm.

"We just need to wait until graduation. Then we can leave this place, and go live in a really sunny place like L.A. or anywhere else in California, with no blood sucking vampires and hopefully no other magical creatures."

"Other magical crearures?" She frowns, one eyebrow going up, as if that thought have never crossed her mind before.

"You don't actually think vampires are the only ones out there do you?"

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so."

"Yeah? Your sixth sense is telling you that?" She smirks a little now, looking much more at ease then before.

"No. I just believe in it."

 

  _One day you will believe in it too._

 

 

 


	18. Conversations

**Chapter 18: Conversations**

 

 

  
"Hey. You! What did you said to her?"

"To who?"

"Don't play coy with me, Jacob Black, you know very well who i am talking about."

Jake sigh and massages his eyes, suddenly looking tired and much more older than his actual age. "Mind your own business please."

"Bella is my business. I just want to know what you told her, that made her think Sam did an lobotomy on you."

"Argh. Look, Cassidy, i understand, okay? She is upset. Fine. So am I."

"Then, fix it." I exclaim, throwing my arms up in frustration.

He frowns at me, not happy at being ordered around by a girl half his size. Then he looks at someone behind me and his facial expression changes immediately.

I don't need to look to know who it was. I watch quietly as Jacob leaves, running to the woods and disappearing inside a second later. Only then do i turn around to greet my friend.

"Hey Sam."

"Cassidy." His voice is rough and stern. "I told you to stay away from him for a few weeks. He is getting angry at anything right now."

"I know. Sorry. It's just..."

"Bella."

"Yeah. She..."

"Is pissed at me."

"Well..."

"And you don't know what to do."

"Yeah..."

"I know. I don't care. She can think whatever she wants. Your are not to tell her anything, understand me?"

"Yes, sir." I do a little salute to lighten to mood but Sam's serious face does not change. "I know. I got it. I just...i don't want her to be sad and, go back to..."

"I know, Cass. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Don't apologize. Your are already doing a lot for us." I give him a little smile and this time he finally reciprocate.

After a second of hesitation, he wraps his arm around my shoulder and says. "Come on, i'll take you back home."

"Are you gonna let me ride on you again?" I ask, cheekly, as he leads me back to where i parked my bike.

"And you're just going to leave your precious bike behind?" He ask, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Never." I exclaim.

Laughter reverberates through his chest and a can feel it my skin. "I thought so."

"How about a race, huh?"

"A race? You mean, _me_ against _you_?"  
  
"You didn't have to say _you_  that way." I deadpan.

"Alright, then."

"Really?" I say, not being able to hide my excitement.

"Give it your best, shorty." He says before of transforming.

"Actually, i am quite tall for my body type." I complain, then mount my bike and start the ignition.

Sam in his wolf form waits by my side, as i put my helmet on.

"Ready?" He growls and i take that as a yes. "Set. Go!"

 

  
                              * * *

 

  
_'Come to my house now.'_

After Bella's text messege, i left my home in record time, arriving in the Swan's house in less then 15 minutes.

"What's going on?" I ask, as soon as i step into the front porch. Bella was waiting for me there.

"Remember that time last year in La Push?" That's her greeting. I stop and frown at the sudden odd conversation. Her eyes looked troubled and that only left even more worried. "The story Jake told me?"

"About the Cold Ones?" I ask, frown still intact.

"Yeah...and the tribe legends..."

I suddenly understand what was going on. She found out. Somehow, she found out the truth about Jake and the guys. I don't know how to feel about this, on one hand it's good to not have to hide things from her anymore, on the other hand, she could not be so understanding of it, and Sam would be disappointed. Paul will probably go ballistic. The rest of the guys won't mind very much, i hope so.

She gets up from the place where she was sitting and trudge to her truck, not stopping to look at me once. I follow her closely and get on the passenger seat. She starts the ignition and rides on to La Push, completely quiet, looking like she was just lost in her own head.

When we arrive in the Black's house she does not hesitate in going straight to the door, demanding to see Jacob. I grab my phone and send Sam a quick text messege before of stepping outside and aproaching the arguing couple.

By the way things were looking, and the little i could hear, they were having quite the row. Apparently, Bella thought Sam was a cult lider, and that they were the ones killing people. _Nice_. When she found out Edward was a fucking vampire it never crossed her mind that he could hurt someone. The idiot.

"We are not doing the killings, Bella. We are trying to protect people!"

"From who?"

"That redhead bloodsucker that is after you." He yells, he was quite mad but his eyes were actually looking hurt.

She froze. Her eyes wide and terrified, mouth wide open, hands shaking. She looked scared, more then i had ever seen.

"Bella." I whisper her name and take a step closer. Sam and the guys choose that moment to show up, as if they were waiting to make the best entrance.

"Oh, great." I hear Jake sigh quietly.

I pass through in front of Bella and walk closer to the guys, quickly reaching them and giving Sam an apologetic look. "We didn't told her, i swear."

He doesn't look happy, but he does not say anything.

Paul in the other hand...well, he is know for being a little...hotheaded.

"Black, you fucker. You can't follow orders can you?" Yep. He was pissed.

Everything happens so fast i don't even know the details. One second they are arguing, with Paul screaming shit and calling Bella 'Leach Lover' and the next second, he just phased.

"Oh, shit." I say, watching with wide eyes, as Jacob jumps and phase in the air. "Holy..."

"Jake!" Bella is frantic. Scared and worried at the same time.

Sam is the next one to phase, he nudges me with his snout to stay away and turn to separate the othe two, that by now are fully trying to bite each others head off. _Animals_ , i huff.

"Do something!" Bella begs, holding Embry's arm to shake him into action.

"Me? Nah. Sam will handle it."

"But, he will kill him." She argues.

"Paul? No chance."

"He will kick his ass though." Jared say, laughing at Bella's horrified expression.

"I don't think so, did you saw how he phased in the _air_? Not even Sam could do something like that. Jake was born for this."

"Paul is being fighting longer though." Jared reply, looking rather smug about it.

"Do you wanna bet?"

"Hell, yeah."

"Hm, guys..." I interrupt they banter, looking worriedly at Bella. Her face was pale and she looked like she was about to faint.

"You're not gonna throw up are you?" Embry ask hesitantly.

"Hm. No. I'm okay."

"Alright. Let's go to Sam's house." Jared comands, before of turning around and running back to Bella's truck. Embry follows him closely.

Bella and I are the last ones to follow. She looks at me strangely for a moment and then goes.

It doesn't take long for us to reach Sam's house, the guys stayed to whole way in the back of the truck, so i was the on that told Bella the way. She doesn't leave the car immediately after she parks, and i have a feeling that she is just waiting for the boys to go inside, to tell me something.

As it happens, i was quite right about that.

"You knew." She accuse.

I don't answer. I don't need to, she already knows. I just nod and take a deep breath, joining forces for the conversation that is about to begin.

"You knew all along and you didn't told me."

"I'm sorry, but, Bella, it was not my secret to tell."

She looks at me now, hurt is visible on her face. "I tell you everything. When i found out about the Cullen's..."

"We found out about them _together_. I know you were the one to actually find out the legends but we were investigating them for days before of that. This is different. I only found out about Sam by mistake and he asked me to not tell anyone, so i didn't."

"Not even me? Your bestfriend."

"Oh, come on, Bella. If Jake had asked you to not tell anyone would you have told me about it? If Edward had asked you to keep his vampire identity a secret from me, you would have told me? Of course not. As much important as you are to me, Bells, i could never betray Sam's trust."

She doesn't say anything for a while, thinking hard about all of that information. "How long have you know?"

"Since January."

"How could you have kept this secret from me for so long?"

"It wasn't really hard since you barely remember that i exist." I can't hide the bitterness from my voice and she visibly flinches.

"That's not true..."

"You didn't even invitated me for the holidays. You know i was alone."

"I am sorry, i wasn't in the mood for that."

"You weren't in the mood for nothing that didn't put your life at risk!" I complain, already exhausted of this talk. "You think i didn't realise your sudden need for adrenaline?"

"And you think i didn't notice your need for a bottle of vodka?" She exclaims and this time i am the one hurting. I could see by the look on her eyes that she regretted saying it the moment it came out of her mouth. "We dealed with out problems on our own ways."

"Both ways were the wrong way." I whisper, massaging my temple with my fingers.

"Yeah...but, what is the right way?"  
  
_"I know how it feels. To think you have lost the love of your life. It's horrible, i know. And i also know that there is nothing other people can do or say to you, it doesn't make you feel any better. But, having company, having a friend. It is better, Cass. I know, you feel like you're ripping apart right now, and that i can't change that. But, i can be your friend. I can be there for you, for anything that you need, whenever you need it. Don't hesitate to ask for help. You're not alone."_

"Let's find out together, shall we?"

 

_You're not alone._

 

 


	19. The beginning of the End

**Chapter 19: The beginning of the End**

 

 

"I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"You know. About...what i said. About Sam. I know he is your friend. Sorry."

"It's okay, Bella. I understand." And i did understand. If i was in her position i think i would probably do the same.

Spring Break started a few days ago, and Bella has spended most of her available time with Jake and the pack. Even Emily sometimes, it is a little upsetting knowing that Emily likes Bella so much, when she barely even talks to me.

I spended most of my time with the pack too -especially Paul- when i wasn't at work.

I hang up the phone when Bella announces that she got on her destination. Bella and Jake were supposed to go cliff diving today so she was probably already in La Push.

With my spare time i decide to do laundry. I am almost at the end when i hear a knock on my front door.

My sixth sense tells me something is not right and that makes my heart beats faster and my hands start to sweat.

When opening the door, i find Sam on the other side. By the expression on his face, i was sure something bad happened. "Sam?"

"Leah just phased." His eyes were red like he had just stopped crying.

"Oh Sam." I hug him as tight as i can, having to stand on my tiptoes to wrap my hand around his neck.

"Harry Clearwater is dead. He had a heart attack when he saw his daughter phase in the living room of his own house. His son, Seth, Leah's little bother, phased too, after her. They haven't phased back yet. The guys are trying to help but it's not working. Both are refusing to see me."

"I'm so sorry, Sam." My heart ached for my friend, and i had to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. "I know you still love her. I know you want whats best for everyone. You have such a kind heart, i'm so sorry you have to go through this."

"Cass..." He whisper my name in reverence, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug.

I knew something bad was going to happen, i could feel it in my bones. It was only a matter of time before someone lost its life. It doesn't make hurt less though. I know technically Harry's death was not _my_  fault, but i knew deep down that i was involved in this whole mess. Somehow.

_I'm so sorry..._

_Leah...Seth...I'm so sorry..._

"It's not your fault, Sam."

"No. But, it certainly feels like."

  _Yeah...it does._

 

                                * * *

 

An hour later, Sam and I decide to go to the Swan's house. Charlie was busy dealing with the details of Harry's funeral and the pack was to involved with the Clearwater sibilings, so i knew Bella would want company.

Sam stopped running when he arrived in the backyard of the house. I jump down from the top of him and land swiftly on the lawn. The air around us was different. Heavier. And i knew something was just not right.

In a second Sam was in front of me and in hunt mode. He was growling and snarling, and that definitely meant, trouble.

"What is it?" I ask, but he only does more growling.

As if on cue, Jacob shows up from the frontyard of the house. By the look on his face, he was not happy.

"Jake?"

"There is a leech here." He growls out and Sam does the same.

"Where? Is Bella okay? Where is she?" I was suddenly so scared, my hands started to shake.

"Inside. Bella is talking to _it._ "

"What do you mean?"

"It's one of them. One of the Cullen's."

My heart squeeze painfully and a thousand memories started to play on my mind. The shaking of my hands intensified, i was sweating cold, my stomach was rolling and my eyesight started to go foggy.

I couldn't breath.

"Cass?" Jake's voice was what i needed to focus back in the present, and i didn't hesitate to run around the house to the frontyard.

The sight in front of me, though, made my whole body to freeze.

It was a black car. A car I knew very well. I may not understand much about cars, but I knew everything about that particular car. It was a Mercedes S55 AMG. I knew the power and the color of its interior. I knew the feel of the powerful engine. Knew the penetrating scent of the leather seats and knew how the dark glasses made noon seem like twilight through those windows.

It was Carlisle's car.

Time stops in that moment. My mind hurt from all the images it kept playing in my head. The memories that just wouldn't go away.

"Cass..." Sam was back in his human form and he had a very worried expression on his face. "We need to go back. This is the Cullen's territory. I can't phase here."

"I, i can't. I need to see Bella." _She needs me_ , i thought but deep down the little voice was saying his name, over and over again.

  _Carlisle. Carlisle. Carlisle._

"What? No, you can't get in there. We need to go now." He was getting angry and that was never a good thing.

I take a deep breath, to calm my beating heart and take a few steps closer to Sam, to hold his face in my hands and look at his eyes closely. "I need to go inside. I know you don't want me to. And believe me, i don't want it either, but if he is back here, then there must have happened something really bad that needed to be dealed with in person. I need to know what that is."

He opens his mouth, probably to tell me to leave but i ignore him and run the stair to Bella's porch, opening the door and going in without one second of hesitation.

"Bella!" I yell as soon as pass through the door.

"Here." I hear her voice coming from the kitchen and it only takes me a few second to get there myself.

The sight in that room was definitely not what i was expecting.

"Cassidy!"

"Alice?"

Immobile and pale in a way that was not natural, with large dark eyes intent, Alice looked at me with such longing, it almost made me cry.

My knees gave away for a second and I almost fell. She threw herself against me and squeezed me into a warm embrace, even though her body was colder than ice. Over her shoulder i could see Bella, and she looked extremely happy at seen our dear friend.

Friend that abandonated us, just like the rest of them.

I push away from the hug and give each of them a good space to move away from me. "What are doing here?"

"That's a long story." Bella bites her lip nervously, as if afraid to tell me something.

"I have time for a story."

"Well..." Alice's angelic voice calls my attention again, and she gives me a little smile. "Bella thought it would be fun to jump from a cliff."

"You mean cliff diving? _That's_  why you here?"

"Actually, yes. I had a vision of Bella jumping from that cliff and thought she was dead." She say as matter of factly.

"The vision was wrong. I didn't die. Jacob saved me." Bella said.

"What the fuck is going on here? You almost died?"

"Yes, but, i was not trying to..."

"Edward was right, you are a magnet for trouble." Alice reply.

I could see in Bella's face that just by hearing his name, she was extremely upset. I could relate to that.

"Jake was with you?"

"No. Yes. I mean. No he wasn't, but them he showed up."

"You jumped without him? Completely alone? Are you insane?"

"That's what i thought." Alice murmurs.

"No. I just wanted to have fun."

"Jumping from a cliff?" I ask, horrified.

"Well...anyway, how did you not saw Jake saving me? I only stayed in the sea for like one minute until he took me out."

"I...don't know. And, what is that smell?" She scowls.

I knew exactly what smell she was talking about but i wasn't going to just tell her that. Infortunally, my friend Bella was an idiot and she told Alice all about our new friends, the werewolves.

"Why am i not surprised. Of course, you would have involved yourselfs with the next monsters in town." I didn't like the disdain in her voice and i was a second away to punch her in the face.

"There is nothing wrong with werewolves." Bella says, quietly.

"Just when they are angry."

"That's enough, Alice, thank you." My voice is dripping of sarcasm, and she finally stops complaining. Probably not wanting to get on my bad side.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Jacob gets in like he owns the place.

"Jake. I thought you left." Bella whisper, looking madly at the both magical creatures inside her house.

"I couldn't leave you here alone with the leech."

"Hey!"

"Oh god..."

"Jake, please. Can we talk privately?"

They both disappear in the living room, leaving me alone with Alice. Great.

She stares at me for a whole minute as if deciding if she should tell me something or not. Particulary, i didn't want to hear anything she had to say, so i stayed as quiet as possible, trying to pretend that i was not that at all. It was a little childish, but it work.

Suddenly she freezes and her eyes starts to look around madly but really focusing on anything. I knew that look. She was having a vision.

"Alice?"

As if on cue, Bella and Jake cameback. Alice was looking quite maniac at that moment, it was a little scary actually. She got her phone and called someone, even though Bella was talking to her and asking if she was okay. She was ignoring her. It actually looked like she was not even there at all.  
  
"Rosalie? What did you do?" She said in the phone. We couldn't hear Rosalie's reply, but it was not a good, because it made Alice even madder. "Why? Why did you do that? No, Rose, you are wrong in both senses. Yes, she is alive." She stops talking for a moment, only listening to her sister, and then she adds. "Is a little late for that, Rose. Spare your remorse to someone who believes in it."

"What's going on?" I ask, terrified of her answer.

"I had a vision." She whispers as if trying to understand something.

"Alice, Carlisle just called."  
  
Hearing his name from someone else lips hurted much more then i thought possible, but i put thosr thoughts aside to focus on what the hell was going on now.

"What? What did he said?"

"I don't know i didn't talk to him." She conplains, looking at Jake, annoyed.

"What did he said?" Alice ask Jacob.

"He asked for Charlie, i said he wasn't at home. He asked where he was and i said, the funeral."  
  
Alice's face wriths in pain. "It wasn't Carlisle on the phone. It was Edward."

  _Oh shit._  Now i get it. And by the look on Bella's face, she understood it too.

Rosalie told Edward that Bella died. He called and Jacob told him Charlie was at the funeral. Yeah, that sucks.

"Well, then, call him and tell him she is fine." I tell Alice but she is already shaking her head negative.

"No, he won't listen...He, he is going to Italy."

_Italy?_

_As in..._

"The Volturi." I whisper, afraid that i might be right.

It turns out, i was. Alice nods and that is enough to make Bella start to hiperventilate.

"Holy shit."

"Oh my god. Alice, what should we do?" Bella start to pace in the room, looking around for some kind of miracle, i believe.

"We need to leave. Now."

"What?" Jake and I ask at the same time.

She ignores both of us.

"Bella, he will only listen to you. No one else. We need to go now."

That is enough to take Bella out of her trance. From there on, everything happened so fast my mind couldn't follow enough. Bella and Jacob discussed. Bella wrote Charlie a note. Jacob and Alice almost fought. When i realised, we were outside, Alice already in the car, and Jake was begging Bella not to go.

I feel a warm hand on my arm and turn around quickly. Sam was by my side. He was still there. All this time. Waiting, to be sure that i was alright.  
  
"Cass...are you coming?" Bella asked, her eyes full of hope and a little bit of worry too.

I looked at Sam once again, he was waiting for my answer too. I new what this moment would represent in my life, and that was one of the hardest decisions i had to d. Here was my two best friends, both fighting for they own different sides. And, now i had to choose wich one of them i was going to join in.

"No. I'm sorry, Bella. But, no. I can't go." I say, and i feel Sam relax by my side.

Sadness filled her eyes and i could see that she was trying hard not to cry. But, she understood. She nods, biting her lip and then turns around to leave with Alice.

"Bella." I call her name and she turns around, expectant. "Be careful. Alright?"

"You too, Cass. Take care of Charlie for me, please."

Watching her go was one of the hardest moments of my life. I knew she may never comeback from that place. I knew the Volturi could kill all of them. But, i also could not regret my choice. Jared was right, you can't choose Fate. But you sure as hell can choose your own destiny.

And today, i choose the pack.

 

 

 


	20. The Cullen's are back

**Chapter 20: The Cullen's are back**

 

 

After Bella left, i decide to stay back in her house and wait for Charlie. I lnew he would be completely heart broken and worried that his daughter chose to leave without his permission, especially when he finds out that she left because of _The Bastard_.

I was right. He was devastated. Poor Charlie. A good man, trying to be a good father. I envy Bella for that.

The only reason he didn't call the FBI to report his missing child was because i promised that Bella would be back soon. Well, i hoped so.

 

The first day without her was hard. The second, even worse. On the third day i was almost going after her. Jacob too, the only reason why he didn't was because he didn't have a passport.

With the Clearwater's just joinment of the pack, the wolves were quite busy and couldn't spend as much time with me. Sam did show up once a day, but that was not really enough to make me chill out, which made me abuse a little too much of my alcohol stock. All i could think about was Bella, and the fucking Cullens.

What the hell was going on there? Why is she not back yet? Is she dead? Please, please god, she can't be dead.

When my phone played the music that i've been wanting to hear, though, i was not expecting to happen at such a hour of the night.

2 am.

_'Cass, come to the Cullen's house now.'_

 

Bella's messege was simple and to the point. And it only took me one minute to leave my house.

In my desperation to see my friend, i barely saw the streets passing around me as i ride to the Cullen's home, only realising where exactly i was going, when i parked in front of the huge house.

The sight of that place brings me too much painful memories, i can still remember clearly all the things he said to me, right there.

Looking around, i am surprised at seen so many cars parked to the side of the house. I was not expecting the whole family to be inside, only Bella and Edward, or Alice, but not them all.

What to do? Go inside? Am i ready for that? Turn around and leave? Can i just leave my friend behind like that? No, no i can't. Bella asked for me and that's why i am here. Not for them. I can do this. I can pretend they don't affect me anyhow. I can pretend i don't give a shit about them coming back or not.

 _I can pretend i don't love him anymore_.

I took a deep breath and started walking towards the house, it felt like i was walking in slow motion and for some reason, the song _Believer_ from _Imagine Dragons_ was playing in my head.  
  
  _Pain!_

_You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer._

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I was getting closer. My hands were sweating. My eyes were wide open in fear and anxiousness. If i didn't control myself quickly i was sure i was going to faint.

I reach the door and close my hand around the door knob, hesitating for a few seconds before of finally opening the door.

The sight inside of the house was one that i was not expecting though. Besides from Bella, everyone in the room was looking at me anxiously and worriedly.

Jasper by the window, avoided my eyes as soon as i looked at him. Alice by his side, pressed closer to her lover as if to comfort him.

Next was Emmett, who was looking strangely happy and worried at the same time. Rosalie by his side, had the same cold appearence as always, but i could also see a little regret hidden in her eyes.

The next couple was the one i feared seeing the most, so to not cause any discussion -or crying, probably both- i simply avoided eye contact with both of them and turned to the side were Bella and Edward where standing.

  _He is here. He is right there. So close to me...but so far away as well._

"Bella, for god's sakes." I exclaim as soon as i look at my friend. She immediately runs forward to hug me and i wrap my arms around her as hard as i can. "I was so worried." My voice breaks a little and she hugs me tighter. _Oh god don't let me cry. Please, no. Not in front of them._

"Cass...i'm sorry." She pulls away from the hug to look at me. "I got home a few hours ago. I'm sorry i didn't call, i was just so tired."

"It's okay." I say, relieved that my friend was fine. I hug her once more and through her shoulder i can see The Bastard that started all of this shit.

  _Fucker_. I tell him mentally.

He gives me a tentative smile but stops immediately when i don't reciprocate.

"What's going on? Why did you called me here?" I ask Bella quietly, not because so they couldn't hear us, they are fucking vampires, but to make a point that i was there only for her and that i was going to talk _only_ with her.

"Hm. Well, i wanted you to make part of this conversation, because well...it has to do with you to." She says, pulling away but not letting go of my hands.

"What do you mean?" I ask, thoroughly confused.

"I...hm. Cass, i well, you know that..." She begun to stutter and Edward went forward to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I decided that i want to be a vampire. And, Carlisle is going to turn me after graduation."

"What?"

  _What?_

_What the fuck?_

_She was going to be one of them? After everything she went through because of that bastard._

"Cass..."

"Bella!" I exclaim, not knowing what else to say to her. I let go of her hands and take a few steps back, passing my hand through my hair and massaging my temples. My head was about to explode. "What about your parents? Your friends? You will leave everything behind?"

"It's what i want, Cass." She murmurs quietly.

"Is it really? You definitely didn't want that a week ago!"

The Cullen's gladly staying as quiet as possible while we discussed.

Bella, though. "I didn't have Edward a week ago."

"And now you do? Until when? When he leaves again what will you do? Wander alone in the earth?"

"He is not going to leave me!"

"How can you be so sure of that?" The fact that Edward stayed silent only makes my point more valid.

"Cass...please...it's what i want." She whispers, and that breaks my heart. Because i could see clearly in her face, that she did indeed want that. She wanted so much that she was willing to sacrifice her life, she was willing to leave her family behind, she was willing to leave me. For him. So they could be together forever.

For me, though, forever doesn't exist. Nothing last forever, i was sure of it. But, it was her life and that's what she wanted. Who am i to tell her otherwise?

The silence in the room prolongs, and i am afraid to look around. Afraid to see those faces that hunted my dreams for so long.

"You didn't call me here at dawn to tell me that, did you?" I ask, suddenly realising there was more to it than that.

"Well...yes." She looks at someone behind me briefly, but i don't turn around to look. I couldn't. I couldn't bear to look into his eyes. "In Italy...we met the Volturi..."

"I know that." I murmur, shivering slightly just from hearing that name.

"What you probably didn't know, is that...Aro, they leader, has an special power, kind of like Edward's."

"He can read minds?"

"Yes, but, differently." She was getting more anxious by the second.

"How so?"

"He needs to touch someone to be able to read they minds."

"So?"

"But, it's not like Edward. He...Cass, he can read everything the person ever thought in his life."

"What does that have to..." I stop immediately when i realise what she was so nervously trying to say.

Aro could read minds. He read Edward's. Probably Alice's too. Maybe even Bella's, if she wasn't immune to him too. Which means...

They knew.

About me.

They knew about me.

I heard Carlisle's voice in my mind then. A memory from the day he told me about the Volturi coven.

_"They have only one law: Never let a human find out about our existence."_

_"And what if you do?"_

  _"Then, they give that human a choice. To be one of us, or to suffer te consequences of breaking the rules."_

_"What happens if you break the rules?"_

_"Death."_

They knew about me. Which meant, i had two choices.

To die. Or to live a unhuman life.

Both choices would end up with death.  _I told you so..._ the little voice whispers in my head.

Suddenly i am so full of anger i can't even control myself. My skin burns as if i had flames running all over my body. I don't think. I just act. I throw myself on Edward and hit him repeatedly with my fists, until someone grabs from behind with such a strength, i was not used to it.

"Calm down." It was Alice. The little bitch. She was holding me tight with both arms as i convulsed and tryed hard to hit that bastard Edward again.

"Fuck you! Fuck you all." I yell.

"Cassidy, please."

I froze. It was him. It was his voice. His voice saying my name. And i hate the effect it still has on me, after all this time.

"Let me go." I say between gritted teeths. Alice doesn't even blink.

"I'm sorry, Cass." Bella says quietly.

"You're sorry?" I laugh darkly. "Your boyfriend fuck me over."

"I am sorry, Cassidy. I didn't meant..." The bastard talked for the first time that night, and rearing his voice only made me want to rip his head off even more.

"Fuck you! You didn't mean it? You don't fool me. You didn't give a shit. Am i right? It never crossed your mind, did it? That going to the Volturi would be a death sentence not only to you, but to me too."

"Forgive me. I thought Bella was dead and i just couldn't think straight." He looks ashamed but that didn't help at all.

"But she was. Ever since the day you left. Bella die that day. Because she was certainly not living after that." I say, and it only gives me pleasure at seen his distressed face.

"Cass..."

"No, Bella. Don't say anything. I can't believe you are so willing to stay with this...man, i don't think he can even be called that." I hiss, finallg being able of getting out Alice's embrace. "It's just what i needed. Victoria and The Volturi trying to kill me."

"We will deal with Victoria, you don't need to worry about that." Edward say, but i don't even give him a glance.

"I don't need your protection."

"Cassidy..." Carlisle says my name once again, and that just breaks me a little bit more.

"Shut up!" I complain, trying really hard not to look his way. If i see him, if i look into his eyes...i won't be able to hold myself together.

"Cass, what are you going to do about.. "

"What do you think?" I ask my friend, or not-so-friend-anymore Bella. _There is no way i am going to be one of them._

I look around to the others in the room, careful not to look to where _his_  voice came from. By the expression on they faces, they were all very upset with what was happing right now.

"You will always be welcome in our family, Cass." That was Emmett's voice, and when i looked his way, he gave me one small smile that i didn't return.

"Thank you, but... no thank you."

With that said, i turn around and go back to the way i came in, hesitating for a second in front of Jasper. He gave me the saddest look i've ever seen before of looking down, ashamed. He was still probably blaming himself for everything that happened that day.

Shame was something i understood very well. And, i also knew that, Jasper had nothing to be ashamed about.

I start walking closer to him slowly. His eyes open wide and i can see a little fear in his eyes. By the way the tension grows in the room, i realise that all of the vampires were very anxious about what i was going to do. Reaching him, i stop in front of the vampire and remember the last time i saw him. It was not a pretty sight but i don't let that memory scare me. He was not going to hurt me, i was sure of it.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he freezes even more. I could see by the look on his face that he was holding his breath and that only made me believe even more that i was safe in his presence.

"Cassidy.." He starts to talk, an apologetic look on his face but i stop him immediately.

"It was not your fault, Jasper."

He is suprised at first, but upon seen the sincerity in my eyes, and probably feeling it with his empath powers, he relaxes, releasing the breath he was holding, and looking at me thankfully.

"Thank you."

After that i finally leave that fucking place, only being able to really breath after i am outside in the open.

My first instinct was to grab my phone and call Sam, and that was exactly what i did. He picked up on the third ring.

"What?" His voice was tired and he sounded like he had just woken up.

"The Cullen's are back." I say, my voice void of any sentiment.

"Fuck." I heard him curse and then he hangs up.

Unfortunately, for me the night was not over yet.

"Cassidy." His voice. Oh god his voice. It was as beautiful as i remembered.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was frozen, mind blank, heart squeezing painfully. I was going to faint, there was no way i could do this without passing out.

"Cassidy, please. Look at me."

I take a deep breath, and continue walking, my legs were shaking but that didn't stop me. A few steps later i feel a strong breeze pass by my side and then suddenly, he was there. In front of me, bloking my way.

God he was beautiful. The most beautiful man i had ever seen.

It's too much though, seen him. I hold back the tears that start to spill from the corner of my eyes, trying to look strong in front of him but failing miserably.

He looked exactly the same. The same golden hair, the same doctor hands, the same tall figure, the same small lips, the same eyes. Oh, his eyes, they are my down fall. When our eye meet, my knees go weak and i almost fall. He is looking at me with so many different feelings that is kind of hard for me to follow. One feeling though that i could see was the biggest one, was sadness. Ans knowing that he was _sad_ for _me_ , made even more angry than before.

"What the fuck do you want?" _I don't need your pity._

"Cass, i'm sorry..." He takes a step closer and i take one back.

"I don't want to hear." I hiss.

"Please, just let me explain..."

"Stay away from me, Carlisle." And for the first time saying his name didn't hurt like it did before. But the sight of him? Oh yeah, that hurted like hell.

"Please. Please, my love..."

"What the fuck did you just call me?" I ask, horrorized.  
  
"Cassidy, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry. I lied. I lied to you." He is so distressed, that for a moment i believe him, but them i remember all the pain i went through because of him, and the slight remorse i felt went away in a blink.   
  
I started walking again, towards my bike and thankfully he doesn't stop me. He does follow me though.

"I lied. That day, when we broke up. It was all a lie." He say, and my heart squeeze tightly, a few tears drop from my eyes but i don't stop walking.

"I don't believe you."

"It's the truth. I swear."

"Your word means shit to me, Carlisle."

"Please, i have missed you so much. My love..."  
  
"Don't calm me that." I yell, finally breaking down in tears. "You don't get to call me that."

He looks so afflicted, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. And i have the feeling, that if he could cry he would be doing that right now too.

"Who do you think you are? Walking out of my life like i meant nothing to you, and now coming back to say you lied? Fuck you, Carlisle."

"I'm sorry, i know i hurt you, but..."

"Hurt me?" I don't know if i laugh or cryed, maybe it was a mix of both. "You distroyed me. You turned me into someone full of hate and anger. A person with no self-esteem, that had to drink to stop thinking about you all the fucking time!"

"I just wanted to protect you. I couldn't bear if..."

"Save your speech for someone that cares."

"When Jasper attacked Bella, i was so afraid. Afraid that the next time something like that happened, it would be to you. I couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt. And to be because of my family. I am sorry, my love, i lied to you, yes. And i will regret that for the rest of my life."

How many times have i dreamed of him coming back to Forks and telling me those exact same words? How many times have i cryed the next day when woke up and realised it had been all a dream? Many times, yes, more then i can count. But, in the end, it was not good enough. It all just sounded fake, _a dream come true my ass_ , it was as if Fate was testing me or something.

  _Would you go through the same things all over again, so you could be with him one more time?_  It was asking.

Hell no.

"I don't believe you."

I get on my bike, and that's when he starts to beg. It surprises me at first, seeing him down on his knees begging me to stay, to listen to what he has to say. But, it was also the most amazing sight i have seen in a while.

Doctor Carlisle Cullen, down on his knees, begging for me to stay with him.

Huh, karma really is a bitch.

I turn on the ignition and ride out of Cullen's frontyard, acelerating in the road, afraid he would follow me or something.

There was no more tears in my eyes anymore. No more remorse. Or sadness. No, all i felt on that moment was numbness. And a comflict of emotions deep inside of me. On one hand, i felt accomplished for being able to see Carlisle suffering the same way he made me suffer these past months, on the other hand, i was terrified of what the future was holding for me.

 

The Volturi and Victoria were after me. Which one will get here first i wonder.

 

 "Argh. I really need a drink."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
